The Official "Douchebag" Thread

[hotjulie]

The last few weeks we've had some JW's coming to the gym to "talk" well I'm being as polite as I can be. I even offer them a free 2 week trial (everyone gets that, so nothing special). They did show up for the assessment and they talked, oh fuck did they talk after I was done they joined the class that was about to start, now the class is called "sexy Tuesday" for a reason. This one girl Danni she's so much fun and was talking about getting laid on the deck last night and her bf poured beer in her pussy. I'm laughing and encouraging her to go into more detail, but keep looking over at the 2 JW's. They didn't seem to interested in her story. When the class ended to my surprise they invited me to a BBQ, now I'm thinking "yes a free meal!" Oh and they said something about going to a meeting, I thought yeah whatever, I'll put on ear buds and listen to music.

I get to the BBQ and I know that JW's have a thing about blood, don't understand it, but no big deal to me. Some of the people there are making small talk with me, I'm being sweet and nice the couple that's BBQing are asking everyone how they want their steak, when they ask me with excitement, I say excitedly "just knock the horns off, wipe it's ass, I want to here that cow squeal when I stab it with my fork!" Now somewhere things got derailed, cause I was on the other side of the fence, no steak, no salad, nothing Then I thought about what I said in my excitement and I burst out laughing. I turned to the fence, it's 6' so I grab the top pull myself up and look over. Everyone there looks at me and I said, "I think you forgot to give me my steak", gave a sincere smile "oh well fuck ya if you can't accept me, see you girls in the gym soon!" They shook theirs heads and I said "didn't think you had the balls anyway, have a nice night, and try not to talk about me all fucking night!"

[WalterB]

Julie, we got room for one more at a good old Southwest Texas BBQ. You'd fit right in.

[CGYMike]

I don't want to get into too many details because I'll just start to rant, and when I rant it ain't very pretty, so for now I'm just going to nominate Costco Wholesale as my Douchebag Company of the Week.

nuff' said

Mike

[hotjulie]

I hate Costco so much, the last time I was in there it turned into a disaster. Was barely my own fault, but I was given a lifetime ban

[WalterB]

Dammit, Julie, What'd I tell you about that. Were you and Gunther having sex in the "Adult toy" aisle again?

[Connie]

I hate Costco so much, the last time I was in there it turned into a disaster. Was barely my own fault, but I was given a lifetime ban

I'm not really sure where to start but a "lifetime ban" really. You are the first person I've ever heard to say "I hate Costco". You may have to explain "barely my own fault"

[CGYMike]

Getting tossed out of a Costco must have involved either letting your membership expire and raising a stink or eating more than one sample from the lady wearing the hairnet handing out sausage rolls on the end of a toothpick

[stickyvicky]

Yes I want to hear the details on this one! What does one have to do to get a "lifetime ban" from Costco? lol... was nakedness involved? .... this is gonna be good.... hehehe....

[hotjulie]

Started off just a trip to Costco on a Saturday afternoon (10 years ago) with Vanessa, she's such a heel raiser! Now the one in south Edmonton is always so crowded, it's insane. We were really only there to pick up a few things and eat. we always thought that was a free smog to go to. All we wanted was thing for a BBQ cause it was her birthday party that night. One little detail, I was drunk, it was 2 in the afternoon after all. People said I had a drinking problem, but I had no problem drinking, stopping was the problem.

We went down one isle and it was so hard to get by everyone and to top it off there's empty boxes piled in the middle of the row in a cage type thing. This lady turns her cart sideways blocking the way and Vanessa says politely "excuse me please." She looks at us from head to toe and turns away, Ness asks her again, and she just shakes her head. I said kind of loud "get the fuck out of my way you stuck up bitch!" Then I pushed my cart into hers, okay I took a bit of a run at the cart. Hers went flying so did mine, I fell into that stupid cage holding the cardboard boxes knocking it over. I was laying there laughing when the store employees ran up to see what all the noise was about. The lady is screaming at me in some language so I have no idea what she's saying, she never got hit by anything. I had to pay for everything in both carts, apparently "damages caused" I then insisted that I get to take home all the "damages" I was very adamant about that. the manager finally said, fine take it home, then took my name and said I was banned for life.

They did call the police, I told them what happened and everyone around there said, other then the food flying no one got hurt or hit. So I was given a talking too and let go, the one cop was giving me this smile as he shook his head. I guess you shouldn't do that in the city, but when cattle won't move out of your way you just push your way though, lesson learned.

Gunther has a membership, but I don't bother going with him, the closest one to us now is in Grande Prairie and that's a 5 hour drive

[WalterB]

Hilarious! But I do the same thing. There are some real assholes out there. Or maybe they really are that stupid. They'll park their cart right in the middle of the damn aisle so no one can get by.

Then, when you very politely "Ahem," they'll just ignore you. Then, a still polite, "Excuse me" will get them to look at you and then turn back to selecting tonite's jelly. At that point, I'll slam my cart thru, usually accompanied with a pretty loud "Get out of the damn WAY!" Don't really care where their damn cart ends up.

Wanna go shopping, Julie?

[CGYMike]

....and this is how you never ever get hired again. Things must be getting tough out there for Alaina Dawson to make ends meet but this isn't how to supplement your income. Good luck working at McDonalds or as a hooker.

[WalterB]

Well, if she was able to add the "one thousand" in front of the "seven hundred," it's because the dope wrote the check wrong. You should always start your writing at the far left edge, just for this very reason. If you don't have a copy, good luck proving it was forged, Mr. Jayrock, lol.

Still pretty stupid to do it, tho. Like Mike said, "You want fries with that? I used to be a porn star. For an extra hundred, I can show you a little boob."

[CGYMike]

Shirts must be worn at all times...what a f'n douche

[WalterB]

In today's world you have to be extremey precise. There's always some douche bag who will stretch the meaning.

"A full and complete shirt, covering your entire upper torso, must be worn." I would think that would work. Or maybe this:

"Shirts Must be Worn. Stupid people will be thrown out anyway."

[hotjulie]

This town has a cat bylaw, and if I understand it right, if a cat is caught, it's taken to the vet who tries to contact the owner, if they can't the cat is put to sleep. If it's caught a second time the cat is put to sleep. One of the kids at school her cat was caught twice, it was 4 months old, so her kitten was put down. She is so upset and I talked to her, then thought why don't I talk to the town council tonight. I asked about it and how it works, they told me anyone can set a "cat trap" then turn the animal in to be gotten rid of as a pest. I said you lure the cat in with food, then put it to sleep, they tried to word it differently, but that's how I interpreted it. I asked if the animal had water in there, with bedding cause it's cold. They couldn't answer that at all, so I said "you lure an animal in then don't give it proper shelter or water, then kill it, your all a bunch a heartless fucks!" I was told not to speak that way so I said sorry for calling the heartless, I told them I would find their traps and destroy them. They told me that was against the law, and I pointed out there policy was immoral and sick. As I was being escorted out I said to the bylaw officer as he grabbed my arm, if he didn't let go of me I'd put him in a cat trap, he let go fast.

[Anthony_JK]

Trying to get myself back into the swing of things on this forum, so I'll be posting a lot more than usual.

I'm back working overnight at my job; I do mostly cashiering on the register where tobacco products and alcohol are sold. That means, I have to "card" (as in ask for ID) anyone up to 40 purchasing tobacco or alcohol. In addition, my store's policies require me to card anyone with the purchaser if they look like they are underage (21 for smokes, 18 for the drunk juice) if they even touch the product, in order to avoid "third party" sales (where adults buy liquor or cigs for their underage friends). And on top of that, my state has a specific law where we cannot even sell alcohol between the hours of 2 AM and 6 AM.

That means, between the customers who bitch about why I have to "card" them every time they buy cigs (the register actually prompts me for their birth date, and I have to key it in if I ask for ID); the ones who get pissed because they give me a non-valid, expired, or tampered ID and I have to reject them; and the customers who really bite my head off because I have to check everyone even though "I'm just the one buying them!!"....yeah, I end up averaging one douchebag a night. On Fridays and weekends, maybe even two per day. One time, a young man went off on me because I asked for his ID to buy cigs, citing "his Constitutional rights as a veteran". He calmed down a bit after I reminded him that Constitution notwithstanding, I had to follow state law and our company policy.

It's not my choice, y'allz....I gotta follow the policies I'm paid to offer, and my paycheck keeps me with a roof over my head, food in my belly, and 10 years of VNA membership. So please, if you are ever in the area and want to purchase any tobacco or alcohol, just have your ID ready and save both you and me precious time and aggravation.

[Anthony_JK]

Well, if she was able to add the "one thousand" in front of the "seven hundred," it's because the dope wrote the check wrong. You should always start your writing at the far left edge, just for this very reason. If you don't have a copy, good luck proving it was forged, Mr. Jayrock, lol.

Still pretty stupid to do it, tho. Like Mike said, "You want fries with that? I used to be a porn star. For an extra hundred, I can show you a little boob."

Also, isn't proper protocol on writing a check to spell out the amount as "Seven Hundred and --------------- XX/100 Dollars" or "Seven Hundred Dollars and NO Cents"?

Most small companies now have metered checks where the amount is spelled out automatically and printed on the check. You mean that a moderate sized porn production company can't afford that?

Sometimes, cold hard cash is the best way. Or...just load a prepaid debit card. Can't forge more money on those, right?


If Alaina ever gets another gig after she's released from the hoosegow, her first payment should be in said cold hard cash. Literally. As in, a stack of bills encased in ice. That would teach her ass.

[CGYMike]

This town has a cat bylaw, and if I understand it right, if a cat is caught, it's taken to the vet who tries to contact the owner, if they can't the cat is put to sleep. If it's caught a second time the cat is put to sleep. One of the kids at school her cat was caught twice, it was 4 months old, so her kitten was put down. She is so upset and I talked to her, then thought why don't I talk to the town council tonight. I asked about it and how it works, they told me anyone can set a "cat trap" then turn the animal in to be gotten rid of as a pest. I said you lure the cat in with food, then put it to sleep, they tried to word it differently, but that's how I interpreted it. I asked if the animal had water in there, with bedding cause it's cold. They couldn't answer that at all, so I said "you lure an animal in then don't give it proper shelter or water, then kill it, your all a bunch a heartless fucks!" I was told not to speak that way so I said sorry for calling the heartless, I told them I would find their traps and destroy them. They told me that was against the law, and I pointed out there policy was immoral and sick. As I was being escorted out I said to the bylaw officer as he grabbed my arm, if he didn't let go of me I'd put him in a cat trap, he let go fast.

There is always so much great stuff on this thread...those who shall be nameless, thank you for inspiring me to start this thread up :)

I was sad to read your story Julie...it never fails to amaze me how the bureaucrats seem to screw up the simplest of things so that it needs second readings and a majority of hands to pass or fail, without even the slightest bit of common sense.

How sad that a little girl who is giving a home to a naturally roaming creature is taken away by people who have nothing better to do than use a trap meant for skunk or other rural creatures, and those who enforce ridiculous "rules" that shouldn't apply to domesticated animals.

Are they putting down Farmer Brown's cow who broke through his fence twice? Probably not. Sad story

[hotjulie]

I'm sure I know who inspired you, nameless yes but I know Walt misses him so much!

[WalterB]

Yes Julie, I miss him like my last colonoscopy.