This picture was recently posted on FB by a friend.
Chicken.jpg (50.8 KiB) Viewed 66 times
It was followed by this comment from a fellow named Ed: "FACT: Fastest land animal in the world is the "Ethiopian Chicken""
Well, not believing that, I did a little research. Here is my response:
WalterB wrote:Ed, "When it comes to running, a chicken has nothing to be ashamed of, especially when you consider her size. A chicken can run 9 mph on her little legs, which is slower than your cat and potentially faster than your dog, depending on what breed of dog he is. Despite her wings and feathers, she runs better than she flies." https://animals.mom.me/how-fast-does-a- ... 15693.html
A Cheetah can run 68 - 75 mph. And, if a cheetah were chasing me, I'm betting I could run 69 - 76 mph. lol.
I googled "How fast is an Ethiopian chicken?" and all that came up were 27,700,000 chicken recipes, none of which specified "Ethiopian chickens." Most just said "boneless, skinless chicken breasts" (nationality not mentioned, lol.) Looks to me that, as fast as an Ethiopian chicken might be, Ed, it apparently isn't fast enough to outrun a frying pan, LOL.
Personally, I would LOVE to see a chicken run 70 mph. That would be hilarious, and probably Youtube worthy.
WalterB wrote: ↑July 25th, 2018, 3:34 pm
This picture was recently posted on FB by a friend.
Chicken.jpg
It was followed by this comment from a fellow named Ed: "FACT: Fastest land animal in the world is the "Ethiopian Chicken""
Well, not believing that, I did a little research. Here is my response:
WalterB wrote:Ed, "When it comes to running, a chicken has nothing to be ashamed of, especially when you consider her size. A chicken can run 9 mph on her little legs, which is slower than your cat and potentially faster than your dog, depending on what breed of dog he is. Despite her wings and feathers, she runs better than she flies." https://animals.mom.me/how-fast-does-a- ... 15693.html
A Cheetah can run 68 - 75 mph. And, if a cheetah were chasing me, I'm betting I could run 69 - 76 mph. lol.
I googled "How fast is an Ethiopian chicken?" and all that came up were 27,700,000 chicken recipes, none of which specified "Ethiopian chickens." Most just said "boneless, skinless chicken breasts" (nationality not mentioned, lol.) Looks to me that, as fast as an Ethiopian chicken might be, Ed, it apparently isn't fast enough to outrun a frying pan, LOL.
Personally, I would LOVE to see a chicken run 70 mph. That would be hilarious, and probably Youtube worthy.
What do you get if you cross Col Sanders with Diana Ross??
Chicken Supreme!!
Here was certainly a sin worth sinning and I applied myself with characteristic vigour to its practice
While installing a new door, I found one of the hinges missing. I asked my wife if she would go to Home Depot to pick one up. She said she would.
While waiting for the Manager to finish serving another customer, her eye caught two beautiful bathroom faucets - one for the sink and one for the bath tub.
When the Manager was ready to help my wife, she asked, "How much are those faucets?"
The Manager replied, "They are gold plated faucets and very expensive! $5,000 each!" Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, they are really expensive - certainly out of my price range!" She then proceeded to describe the hinge I had sent her to buy.
The Manager said he had them in stock and their price was $3.49. He went to the backroom to get them.
From the backroom, the Manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?"
Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucets."
This is why you just can't send a woman to Home Depot.
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things. The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long". Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there”.
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandfather says again in a controlled voice, "William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather."
"Thanks", says the grandfather, "but I am William. This little bastard's name is Johnnie."
What do you call a snake who works for the British Government - a Civil Serpent
Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he told them to go out of the ark and multiply? - They couldn't, cos they were adders!
I had an Indian friend who worked with cobras - Everyone liked him cos he was so charming!
Why did the boa constrictors get married? - cos they had a crush on each other
My friend was bitten by a rattlesnake, and I tried to save him by telling him an amusing story. If I'd known the difference between antidote and anecdote, I expect he would still be alive today
Go on you've missed these/me really
Here was certainly a sin worth sinning and I applied myself with characteristic vigour to its practice
I hate bagpipes - ALWAYS sound out of tune! Irish pipes I love (and you can drink whilst playing them ) and Northern English Uillean (?spelling) pies great - bagpipes - NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Why do bagpipers walk when they are playing? - they are trying to get away from the noise!!
Definition of a gentleman? - someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't!
What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and a Harley Davidson? - you can tune a Harley
How is playing the bagpipes like throwing the javelin blindfolded? - You don'y have to be very good to get everyone's attention.
Definition of perfect pitch with the bagpipes? - Getting them in the skip first throw!
Here was certainly a sin worth sinning and I applied myself with characteristic vigour to its practice
These are from a book called “Disorder in the Court” and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th .
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, very close to your IQ.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: Al lof them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
