Joke Thread

[WalterB]

Sounds about right, Erik. And that's why I chose that one, all the cool clips. Most of those movies were big things when I was a kid. Loved seeing The Creature From the Black Lagoon, lol

[ErikB]

Thanks to those clips, and the fact that Karloff had a bit part in it (and the cute girls), I suffered through most of "The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini" yesterday. I only fast-forwarded a little at the end when my brain started to hurt.

Speaking of brains, I remember really enjoying "The Brain From Planet Arous" as a kid. This is about an alien brain that takes over a scientist's body in order to take over the world, as well as have sex with the scientist's girlfriend. It turns out that's available on YouTube as well, so I will probably watch it today.

[ErikB]

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[ErikB]

cheezeburger.com had a photoshop contest based off of an original picture:

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These were among the results. We are only allowed 10 enclosures, and there were 12 total pictures, so I tossed the two that I liked the least.

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I like the aquarium one the best. The full size images can be seen on the original page. I usually view it with javascript turned off. Checking it out today with javascript turned on (for Vicky's site) it started blocking me with popup ads. So, you may wish to turn javascript off if you want to see the full-size images.

https://cheezburger.com/16448517/cute-p ... -his-doggo

[WalterB]

Kind of weird, but nice, lol. How the dog got up there is easy. Wherever this wall is, there's a hill behind it. So at the end of the wall, most likely it's easy to just walk up there.

[ErikB]

Regarding the retaining wall, I agree, Walt.


There is a guy who goes by the pen name of Stilton Jarlesberg, and he does a "quirks of life" strip called Johnny Optimism. It is mostly medically-based, but sometimes he goes outside the hospital where Johnny is staying. He does a "Red Meat" style strip, where the characters change little or not at all from panel to panel. Some of the characters are not completely human, like Gil, a boy who lives in an office cooler, and Butterfly Boy. I almost posted the first one of these, but didn't get around to it. When he hit the ball out of the park for a second time in a row, I decided to post both. His Johnny Optimism URL is:

https://johnnyoptimism.blogspot.com/

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[WalterB]

Dang, things are looking up. I had a three-some last night.

Well, two of them were no--shows, but it was still a pretty good time.

[Davest]

I met this hot, 57 year-old woman at the bar tonight and we really hit it off. She asked if I had ever had a mother-daughter threesome. When I said no, she told me that tonight was my lucky night! We went back to her place and after we were inside she yelled upstairs, "Hey mom! Come on down, this guy wants to have sex with both of us!"

[ErikB]

This play on words always gets me. Then I forget about it for a few years, and somebody puts it in another compendium and it catches me off guard again.

phpBB [media]

On another clip (which I closed and cannot relocate for some reason), Junior Samples is in the Kornfield with a HeeHaw Honey and has his left hand over his left eye:

HeeHaw Honey: "Junior, where did you get that black eye?"
Junior: "Oh, my wife done give it to me..."
HeeHaw Honey: "I thought your wife was out of town."
Junior: "Yeah, me too ..."

[Davest]

This one may have been told before, but it's a blonde joke, so maybe Vicky will like it.

A blonde walks into an electronics store and asks a sales person, "How much is this TV?" The sales person replies, "We don't sell to blondes." So the blonde goes home and dyes her hair red and then goes back to the store and finds a new sales person and asks, "How much is that TV?" The sales person responds, "I'm sorry ma'am, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde says, "But I'm not blonde, I'm a redhead. How did you know?" The sales person replies, "Because that isn't a TV, it's a microwave."

[Davest]

I lost my job at the bank today. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

[Davest]

I haven't spoken to my wife in a week. I don't want to interrupt her.

[WalterB]

[ErikB]

But were Hillary and whomever she is with deliberately fooling around?

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[LizLemon85]

I don't know if that's a rhetorical question, but the other woman is actress Chloë Grace Moretz (I like the heavy-metal-umlaut) and the picture is photoshopped. Never saw a male politician in a meme like that.

[ErikB]

I don't know if that's a rhetorical question, but the other woman is actress Chloë Grace Moretz (I like the heavy-metal-umlaut) and the picture is photoshopped. Never saw a male politician in a meme like that.
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Thanks for the additional information, Liz! At first I thought that might be her daughter Chelsea, but I wasn't sure, so I changed the filename. I also had no idea that the picture was photoshopped.

I was not being rhetorical. I thought maybe Hillary had a sense of humor and was deliberately goofing around with the other woman. I thought maybe Hillary had an onion ring instead of a doughnut. I had one bad doughnut that made me nauseous the rest of the evening at an event I was attending. I was never able to eat another doughnut after that. Were it not for my somewhat recent gluten intolerance, the thought of a battered and deep-fried onion ring would be pretty nice about now.

As for not seeing a male equivalent joke, we are probably so attuned to the subject of sex that we wouldn't give anyone the opportunity to photograph us with anything phallic that wasn't boastful or flattering. Although, with photoshop (or equivalent - I use GIMP, the Gnu Image Manipulation Program), all things are possible.

P.S.: I just noticed that your post said "male politician" as opposed to males in general. I am having a hard time thinking of any male politician photos that aren't just talking heads in front of a bunch of microphones on the podium, or campaign poses. Maybe I just don't pay attention enough. Or, maybe the bulk of the population making political memes is male, so females are going to be the focus of the sexual memes they make. Although, on a political livestream I attend, there is one guy obsessed with posting a small collection of memes he has accusing Michelle Obama of having a penis. I don't really care, so I don't know if I saved any of them or not.

[ErikB]

Here is a great exchange in the comment section of a cute, but not hilarious, installment of The Argyle Sweater. The line that really got me was "These are the Daves of our lives".

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[ErikB]

Another Argyle Sweater where the comment section punsters do a great job! Too bad nobody made a 'myrrhacle' joke.

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[ErikB]

This one was buried in a podcast about housing insulation:

Two elderly couples have just finished their first dinner together,. The women know each other, the men do not. The women go into the kitchen to make coffee and chat. The men are stuck for conversation until one of them perks up and says "My wife and I saw a good movie last night." The other man says "Oh yeah? Which one was it?" The first man says "Oh, let me see if I can remember ... What's the name of that red flower that has thorns but smells really nice?" The second man says "A rose?" The first man says "Yeah, that's it, thanks. HEY ROSE, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT MOVIE WE SAW LAST NIGHT?"

[ErikB]

From amazingjokes.com:

My mother was 80% Irish

Her name was Iris.