My New Spot For Joke Of The Week Guys!

[sugerdaddy]

Shanda that was a great cartoon, Fantastic to get protection across to the men that think there safe or have STDs and don't care about their partners.

[h0rnytoad1]

Good one Shanda!

i remember seeing that very late at night on TQS, they used to have naughty movies after midnight.

[h0rnytoad1]

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." -- Groucho Marx

[WalterB]

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said: "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied: "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said: "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, hey?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."

[ShandaFay]

Thanks guys!

Walt that was bad....lol!

this was funny....

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! so funny!!!

[WalterB]

Voice of experience posting here....

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all....................

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

[CGYMike]

A family of 4 is checking into a hotel for vacation.

"I sure hope the porn is disabled" said the man to the desk clerk.

The clerk replies "It's just regular porn Sir"

[ShandaFay]

HAHAHAHHA Wal and CgyMike!!!!

[h0rnytoad1]

Q. Why doesn't Santa Clause have any kids ?
A. He only comes once a year and when he does it's down the chimney

[h0rnytoad1]

Top ten reasons hockey is better than women

1. In hockey, everyone likes it rough
2. You only get five minutes for fighting
3. 'Puck' is not a dirty word
4. You don't have to play in the neutral zone
5. It is possible to score a few times in a night
6. When you 'pull the goalie' nobody get pregnant
7. Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring
8. You can alway get new wood when your stick breaks
9. The zamboni gets to clean up the mess
10. Periods only last 20 minutes!

[h0rnytoad1]

A boss said to his secretary "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself."

So she agrees.

Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened?

She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still f*cking!"

[h0rnytoad1]

there was two little boys playing down by the river. All of a sudden one boy ran up the river and peeked through the bushes. the other followed and peered with his friend. they were looking at a naked lady washing in the river. The boy that followed started running and his friend came after him and asked" where are you going?" the one boy that first ran said" my mom told me if i ever see a naked lady i will turn to stone. i felt something hard so i started running!"

[h0rnytoad1]

How are nail polish and panties the same?

They both come off with a little alcohol.

[h0rnytoad1]

I'm so confused. This girl texted me and it said "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokenpleasegivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what 'ternative' means?

[h0rnytoad1]

Guess the words as fast as you can!
1. F_ _ k
2. Boo_s
3. P_n_s
4. D_ck
5. _ _ ndom
6. S_x
7. P_n_s
8. Pu_s_
Answers are:
1. Fork
2.Books
3.Pants
4.Duck
5. Random
6. Six
7. Pulse
8. Pants
Dirty freak.

[h0rnytoad1]

I really wish I could understand what girls with big boobs are saying.

[WalterB]

At a wedding reception I recently attended, someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living."

Poor bartender was nearly crushed.

[WalterB]

A Dear Abby post brought this to mind:

Was in the airport bathroom doing my thing when a Sailor walked in and stood a couple urinals down. Then a Marine came in. The Sailor finished and went to the sink, as the Marine finished and started out the door. The Sailor noticed this and said, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands after we piss."

The Marine replied, "In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands!"

[WalterB]

The Good Night Kiss

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little sexy. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us."

"Oh come on, who's going to see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping."

"No way. It's just too risky."

"Oh please, please, I love you so much."

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't."

"I'm begging you."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's older sister opens the door in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice, she says: "Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it, or if need be mom says she can come down herself and do it.

But for God's sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

[Fr33Sprt]

The Good Night Kiss

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little sexy. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us."

"Oh come on, who's going to see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping."

"No way. It's just too risky."

"Oh please, please, I love you so much."

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't."

"I'm begging you."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's older sister opens the door in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice, she says: "Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it, or if need be mom says she can come down herself and do it.

But for God's sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

Thanks For That Laugh Walt!!!