A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they
end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows
her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely
packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on
a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a
shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along
the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy
bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to
mention this to
him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's
clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are
lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks,
smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
poofters
JOKE OF THE DAY....
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rokkerr
- Army Chief of Staff "Number One"
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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.
The retired couple said it was no problem at all.
The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.
The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
...........hmmmmmmm
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.
The retired couple said it was no problem at all.
The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.
The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
...........hmmmmmmm
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WalterB
- Special Forces Commander (General, 4-Star)
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I heard that Eskimos like to eat whale meat and blubber. Hell, if I had to eat whale meat, I'd blubber, too. :lol: 
lmao 
lmao
Last edited by WalterB on October 6th, 2007, 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
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John_fromNY
- Major General (2-Star)
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- Location: New York
Actually it's mainly seal meat that eskimos eat...
...and walrus and sealion too. Polar bears also tend to supplement their diets as well when they can catch one.
Whaling has been outlawed in almost all countries now, except Japan and Russia.
Greenpeace has been very influential in getting that agenda established.
Greenpeace is also working with Canada now...
to outlaw and get rid of the practice of clubbing baby seals to death done mainly by trappers and poachers. They do it for their fur pelts... As large dollars can be found on the black market.
[It's equivalent to the ivory tusks that species of rhinoceros and elephants have. Tusk scalping is also outlawed in Africa due to GP and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.]
... And with Russia, too...
about trapping sable, mink, beaver, and foxes, with the aid of PETA as well.
...and walrus and sealion too. Polar bears also tend to supplement their diets as well when they can catch one.
Whaling has been outlawed in almost all countries now, except Japan and Russia.
Greenpeace has been very influential in getting that agenda established.
Greenpeace is also working with Canada now...
to outlaw and get rid of the practice of clubbing baby seals to death done mainly by trappers and poachers. They do it for their fur pelts... As large dollars can be found on the black market.
[It's equivalent to the ivory tusks that species of rhinoceros and elephants have. Tusk scalping is also outlawed in Africa due to GP and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.]
... And with Russia, too...
about trapping sable, mink, beaver, and foxes, with the aid of PETA as well.
Last edited by John_fromNY on August 10th, 2007, 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
...And if you can't be with the one you love.., "Love the One You're With" -- Stephen Stills 1970
A woman goes to the sex shop and asks for the new hottest toy in the place. The salesman recommends a new voice activated vibrator that was called voodoo. He said, "All you have to do is tell it what to do and it does it." So she buys it and takes it home.
When she gets home she rips off her clothes and puts her new toy to the test. She say's, "Voodoo tease my nipples." The vibrator runs up her body and starts to tickle her nipples. So she lays down and says, "Voodoo screw me." And the vibrator runs down to her pussy and starts to pleasure her. She really starts enjoying it and screams "Voodoo don't stop!!!"
After she cums like 20 times she can't take anymore and runs from the bedroom but the vibrator follows her. Then she jumps in her car and speeds off down the street, she looks back and the vibrator is following her.
She passes a police car doing 70 and the officer pulls her over. "Why were you going to fast?" he says. The woman then sees the vibrator coming up to the car at high speed. She screams, "It's Voodoo, It's voodoo!!!" The officer smirks and says "Voodoo my ass."
When she gets home she rips off her clothes and puts her new toy to the test. She say's, "Voodoo tease my nipples." The vibrator runs up her body and starts to tickle her nipples. So she lays down and says, "Voodoo screw me." And the vibrator runs down to her pussy and starts to pleasure her. She really starts enjoying it and screams "Voodoo don't stop!!!"
After she cums like 20 times she can't take anymore and runs from the bedroom but the vibrator follows her. Then she jumps in her car and speeds off down the street, she looks back and the vibrator is following her.
She passes a police car doing 70 and the officer pulls her over. "Why were you going to fast?" he says. The woman then sees the vibrator coming up to the car at high speed. She screams, "It's Voodoo, It's voodoo!!!" The officer smirks and says "Voodoo my ass."
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John_fromNY
- Major General (2-Star)
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- Location: New York
Three nuns die and go to heaven, where they are warmly welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. "Sisters", he says, "I want to thank you for all your good work on earth. Now there's just a brief formality before I can admit you all to Heaven: Each of you will have to answer one question." And turning to the first nun, he asks, "Sister Mary, what is the Mystery of the Trinity?"
"That's the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost," she replies. And the lights flash, the bells go off, and Sister Mary is swept away into the Pearly Gates.
"Sister Theresa," asks St. Peter gently, "What is the Mystery of the Virgin Birth?"
"That's the Immaculate Conception," she replied, and she too is swept inside the gates with much flashing of lights and the sounding of the bells.
Sister Angelica is left alone, shaking a bit with nervousness. St. Peter turns to her and asks, "What, Sister Angelica, were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
Sister Angelica thought it over for a half hour. Her Sister friends, Mary and Theresa, are on the other side rooting her on. A hour goes by, two hours, three hours, four hours, five...six, because if she doesn't come up with the correct and proper answer, she's doomed to Purgatory and possibly Hell. In fact, that very thought plays a big part, and she starts to tremble in fear of God's wrath. And, of course, she can't speak up. Eventually beads of sweat are starting to appear on her brow, and the pressure becomes all too unbearable, so she finally blurts out, "Gee, St. Peter, that's a hard one."
And the bells went off, the lights flashed, and the gates opened ....
"That's the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost," she replies. And the lights flash, the bells go off, and Sister Mary is swept away into the Pearly Gates.
"Sister Theresa," asks St. Peter gently, "What is the Mystery of the Virgin Birth?"
"That's the Immaculate Conception," she replied, and she too is swept inside the gates with much flashing of lights and the sounding of the bells.
Sister Angelica is left alone, shaking a bit with nervousness. St. Peter turns to her and asks, "What, Sister Angelica, were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
Sister Angelica thought it over for a half hour. Her Sister friends, Mary and Theresa, are on the other side rooting her on. A hour goes by, two hours, three hours, four hours, five...six, because if she doesn't come up with the correct and proper answer, she's doomed to Purgatory and possibly Hell. In fact, that very thought plays a big part, and she starts to tremble in fear of God's wrath. And, of course, she can't speak up. Eventually beads of sweat are starting to appear on her brow, and the pressure becomes all too unbearable, so she finally blurts out, "Gee, St. Peter, that's a hard one."
And the bells went off, the lights flashed, and the gates opened ....
...And if you can't be with the one you love.., "Love the One You're With" -- Stephen Stills 1970
Three Nuns are at the gates of heaven and St. Peter says "You all may enter heaven. But if any part of your body has touched a mans penis wash it in that pool of holy water.
The first nun says "My right hand once touched a mans penis."
St. Peter says "Wash it in the pool of holy water and you may enter heaven."
The third nun jumps ahead of the second nun and runs up to St. Peter and says "Can I wash my mouth out before she sits in the water."
The first nun says "My right hand once touched a mans penis."
St. Peter says "Wash it in the pool of holy water and you may enter heaven."
The third nun jumps ahead of the second nun and runs up to St. Peter and says "Can I wash my mouth out before she sits in the water."
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John_fromNY
- Major General (2-Star)
- Posts: 7534
- Joined: February 3rd, 2007, 8:54 pm
- Location: New York
Tomorrow's joke - as I had one already...lol!!
For decades two heroic bronze statues both fully clothed; one a handsome well hung male and the other one a beautiful and well endowed female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues being so virtuous," he announced to them, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want to." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon they dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling and laughter, the tossing of clothes, much grunting and moaning, and the finally the shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, with a huge mischievous wink on his face.
Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down, and I'll shit on its head."
For decades two heroic bronze statues both fully clothed; one a handsome well hung male and the other one a beautiful and well endowed female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues being so virtuous," he announced to them, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want to." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon they dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling and laughter, the tossing of clothes, much grunting and moaning, and the finally the shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, with a huge mischievous wink on his face.
Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down, and I'll shit on its head."
...And if you can't be with the one you love.., "Love the One You're With" -- Stephen Stills 1970
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rokkerr
- Army Chief of Staff "Number One"
- Posts: 12993
- Joined: March 11th, 2006, 8:45 am
- Location: London, Los Angeles and now Tampa!
- Contact:
Hey I put up one of the jokes!!! :roll:Donor wrote:I sure will be glad when Vicky and Dave get back from honey mooning. Maybe the jokes will get better.
We are not exactly honeymooning. We did a bunch of new video and will get it up in due order!
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rokkerr
- Army Chief of Staff "Number One"
- Posts: 12993
- Joined: March 11th, 2006, 8:45 am
- Location: London, Los Angeles and now Tampa!
- Contact:
Snakes:
2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming,
"A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!".
The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says.
"It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
,the other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"
2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming,
"A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!".
The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says.
"It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
,the other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"
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Hey Rokkerr, I did not mean anything by my commit. I am sorry I made you mad. I'm just a Hillbilly.rokkerr wrote:Hey I put up one of the jokes!!! :roll:Donor wrote:I sure will be glad when Vicky and Dave get back from honey mooning. Maybe the jokes will get better.
We are not exactly honeymooning. We did a bunch of new video and will get it up in due order!
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rokkerr
- Army Chief of Staff "Number One"
- Posts: 12993
- Joined: March 11th, 2006, 8:45 am
- Location: London, Los Angeles and now Tampa!
- Contact:
Not mad at all Donor..... I love the hillbilly life.....Donor wrote:Hey Rokkerr, I did not mean anything by my commit. I am sorry I made you mad. I'm just a Hillbilly.rokkerr wrote:Hey I put up one of the jokes!!! :roll:Donor wrote:I sure will be glad when Vicky and Dave get back from honey mooning. Maybe the jokes will get better.
We are not exactly honeymooning. We did a bunch of new video and will get it up in due order!
wearing my cockring 24 hours a day
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rokkerr
- Army Chief of Staff "Number One"
- Posts: 12993
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- Location: London, Los Angeles and now Tampa!
- Contact:
Hillbilly jokes:
You know you're a Hillbilly when:
"He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin"or off to "Wally World.
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor
You know you're a Hillbilly when:
"He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin"or off to "Wally World.
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor
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A husband and wife are having sex. The husband says, "Let me cum in your ear." The wife says, "No, I'll got deaf." The husband says, "I cum in your mouth all the time but you don't shut up."
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John_fromNY
- Major General (2-Star)
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- Location: New York
This is a nasty post!! Comments? ....
Mountain Man (Bill McKinney) : "I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig. Weeeeeee!" ...
Bobby (Ned Beatty): "Weee!"
Mountain Man: "Weeeeeeee!"
Bobby: "Weee!"
Mountain Man: "Looks like we got us a sow here instead of a boar"
Mountain Man: "What do you want to do now?"
Toothless Man (Herb Coward): [grinning] "He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?"
Mountain Man: "Ain't that the truth."
Toothless Man: [to Bobby] "You gonna do some prayin' for me, boy. And you better pray real good."
Mountain Man: "Now let's you just drop them pants"... "Why don't you take off that itty-bitty shirt. Them panties too."
Toothless Man: "Let me help him.... [puts shotgun to Bobby's face] ... oooeeeeee!!"
See I told ya so...
You love listening to all sorts of banjo music, especially "Dueling Banjos" ... and you also love that Deliverance scene with Ned Beatty tied up to the tree... I laid if out that scene and its really twisted what's described next:rokkerr wrote: Hillbilly jokes:
You know you're a Hillbilly when:
Mountain Man (Bill McKinney) : "I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig. Weeeeeee!" ...
Bobby (Ned Beatty): "Weee!"
Mountain Man: "Weeeeeeee!"
Bobby: "Weee!"
Mountain Man: "Looks like we got us a sow here instead of a boar"
Mountain Man: "What do you want to do now?"
Toothless Man (Herb Coward): [grinning] "He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?"
Mountain Man: "Ain't that the truth."
Toothless Man: [to Bobby] "You gonna do some prayin' for me, boy. And you better pray real good."
Mountain Man: "Now let's you just drop them pants"... "Why don't you take off that itty-bitty shirt. Them panties too."
Toothless Man: "Let me help him.... [puts shotgun to Bobby's face] ... oooeeeeee!!"
See I told ya so...
...And if you can't be with the one you love.., "Love the One You're With" -- Stephen Stills 1970
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WalterB
- Special Forces Commander (General, 4-Star)
- Posts: 31005
- Joined: December 31st, 2005, 10:42 pm
- Location: El Paso, Texas
- Contact:
One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.
He whispered back, "I found the remote."
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.
He whispered back, "I found the remote."
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rokkerr
- Army Chief of Staff "Number One"
- Posts: 12993
- Joined: March 11th, 2006, 8:45 am
- Location: London, Los Angeles and now Tampa!
- Contact:
I look for the remote every night, even if I have it in one hand... lolWalterB wrote:One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.
He whispered back, "I found the remote."
wearing my cockring 24 hours a day
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