Am I a loser?

[Krazy4Boots]

To all:

I am feeling like I am the BIGGEST LOSER ever born!! Yes, my depression has hit me like a ton of bricks this time!!

It is now 1:54AM PST Thursday. I have been sobbing like a baby for at least TWO HOURS and cannot stop!! I am in a lot of physical and mental pain!!

I can hear both of my late parents screaming at me. They are telling me that I am a waste of flesh and should never have been born!! Guess what? I AGREE with them TEN MILLION PER CENT!!

Will you please do your best to convince me that I am not a loser?

[LauraJebAndSue]

Boots,

You are a special person and must try to understand that. Easier said than done.

Are you at all Spiritual? Not the anti porn bunch that thump Vicky and all. Try http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/en-US/ ... apters.htm for FREE online.

Just know there are lots that love you!

Laura Jeb & Sue Trio

[h0rnytoad1]

Sounds like a good read.

give it a try. Wandering minds want to know.

[John_fromNY]

Boots,

You are a special person and must try to understand that. Easier said than done.

Are you at all Spiritual? Not the anti porn bunch that thump Vicky and all. Try http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/en-US/ ... apters.htm for FREE online.

Just know there are lots that love you!

Laura Jeb & Sue Trio

I agree with what Laura and Sue have said. I and all of us here love you.

Yes, I too used to think about being depressed alot. I took these songs below and turned my outlook on life from being depressed to being uplifted.

Here's that song, "Man of the World," by Peter Green that may relate to your difficulties....



Warning: The video images could be disturbing because it looks like Adolf Hitler being shown in there. I don't know why but that is how the author of the video chose for this. Personally, if it is Hitler, I think Peter would be highly offended because his last name "Green" is actually Greenbaum. He's Jewish.

Therefore, please listen to Peter's words not really the images here.

Otherwise, something that may be uplifting as well....

Jackie Wilson singing, Your love is lifting me "Higher and Higher"

It's about his girlfriend's love for him... However, I like to think of it as God's love for me.. It's possible

[h0rnytoad1]

all good ideas.

but the one most important thing is to think for yourself and move forward with life. don't look back or be stuck in the past. its like shakkles, get rid of the bad feelings that come with it, and be free to love the future.

Make it a good life for yourself, its not up to others but you, you want something? go for it man.

the 1st step is hardest but the other 1000 are gonna be easier, i garantee.

[John_fromNY]

all good ideas.

but the one most important thing is to think for yourself and move forward with life. don't look back or be stuck in the past. its like shakkles, get rid of the bad feelings that come with it, and be free to love the future.

Make it a good life for yourself, its not up to others but you, you want something? go for it man.

the 1st step is hardest but the other 1000 are gonna be easier, i garantee.

Yes, so very true HT. Words to live by....

[Krazy4Boots]

To all:

Thank you for the great words and caring for me. There are times when I need to know that there are people that truly care that I am on this rock. None of my family members give a damn about me.

I own several Yahoo Groups. One is called "DepressionChat". It is a support list for those like me that battle depression 24/7/365. The theme song for this group was recorded by Fleetwood Mac (Stevie Nicks on lead vocal). The title of the song is "Don't Stop". If you would like to join this list, click on this link:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DepressionChat

I would dearly love to meet and talk to Pat Benatar!! She recorded a song that I can relate to 100%!! It is titled "Hell is For Children"!! It is about child abuse.

John, you always use "love the one you're with" as your signature line. How can I love myself when I was told by every one of my family members that I am a worthless pile of crap? I have absolutely NO self-esteem!!

[r0b0t5rppl2]

seems like a really personal task to undergo in my first post, but ive got some effort lying around. my usual shpiel is to identify myself as a bigger loser and claim that even thats not so bad - but its tough enough feeling like a loser, than to be in proposed competition(?yeah).

i think failure is the first step forward for anyone no matter what they might feel about themselves. i dont mean to tell you to manage your feelings, but you probably wanna delegate whether or not your ideas and ambitions take point over your impressions. when im perfectly content i make sure to fail at making the world a better place (and hopefully have a laugh at my own expense) - and when im depressed i like to fail at making others feel better.. but thats actually a more advanced technique (you might end up insisting that you reside over as much sorrow as you come across). as a beginner, if you so choose, i think you should start out failing at anything you want to laugh about later - always keeping in mind that you cant convince yourself you achieved the task (since youve decided to fail from inception). try sincerely, attempt at some measure of cost (optimally modesty), and at the least put some distance between the neglect of a sinking feeling ..the worst thing you can possibly do with one or it could start copulating with marginal feelings.

hope that helps - but not to much, or what would you have to look forward to?

[AussieSteve]

Hi there Krazy,

You're definitely not a loser, the VNA family loves one another and help each other out when needed. We don't mind if you vent your frustrations here as we have to get it out of our system sometimes. Just remember to think only positively as it's darkest before the dawn. You have alot of good in you, pity your family can't see that.

[Krazy4Boots]

To all:

I truly appreciate all of the kind words. They have helped a lot.

I go through a lot of mental anguish during this time of year. Here is why:

_____________________________________________________________________________
Why I Hate The Holidays

I was never permitted to enjoy Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years as a child. We would always have guests over for the holiday meal. My parents DEMANDED that I be absolutely PERFECT while the guests were there. If I made the smallest of mistakes, my father would remove his belt and beat me across the back with the metal buckle. That was not all. I would then be banished to my room for the remainder of the night. If my misdeed happened before the meal, I would not be allowed to even have a single nibble of it.

This would happen every year.

I now go through a major depression every holiday season that begins on November 1 and ends on Valentine's Day.

How much fun do you think that it is to eat your Thanksgiving meal all by yourself? I never have turkey and all of the trimmings. Normally, my meal consists of a peanut butter sandwich and potato chips.

I never decorate my home. I never put up a tree. Why should I bother when I know for a fact that there will not be any gifts below it? Nobody ever gives me Christmas gifts. I cannot remember when I last had a Christmas gift to open.

The reason that I dislike New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day is because I have never had a girl friend! I don't bother to watch any of the television shows that bring in the New Year. I get extremely jealous and envious of the people that are out having fun. I wish that I had a girl to kiss at the stroke of midnight New Year's Eve!

When I was in grade school, I never had a Valentine. No girl ever gave me a Valentine's Day card! Every other kid in class had a fistful of cards! How do you think that made me feel?

I cannot help but remember all of these terrible times. I hear all of my neighbors having a great time with their friends and family members on Turkey Day, Christmas, and New Years. It makes me want to vomit because I am home alone and feeling very unwanted.

Now you know why I loathe the holiday season.

____________________________________________________________________________

[LauraJebAndSue]

Boots,

K.I.S.S. = Keep it simple! Just try http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/en-US/ ... apters.htm for FREE online.

Chat groups OK, but Jeb who has professional counseling training and told us successful results in chats are very limited Vs. the free on-line help above.

Boots is one special person! VNA Hugs from all.

LJ&S

[Jebby]

Krazy4Boots: As Nike says "Just Do IT" http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/en-US/ ... apters.htm for FREE online. There is a great deal of other free help on that site. "Just Do It!"

The girls are correct. Try the first 7 Chapters for free & let me know. Be positive. Chats are mostly just downer crying rooms and help so few. Question? how much have they really helped? ~ Jeb

[h0rnytoad1]

To all:

I truly appreciate all of the kind words. They have helped a lot.

I go through a lot of mental anguish during this time of year. Here is why:

_____________________________________________________________________________
Why I Hate The Holidays

I was never permitted to enjoy Thanksgiving, Christmas

you want to know something?

in both sides of any conflict someone takes the power but that means someone else must be willing to give up that power.

Take it back this holiday season! You've got friends, organise a little party or just a soiree even, diner, drinks, a get together just between friends, even if just for u and your helper friend and maybe his family, it'll be something.

it can't be on the 24th or 25th i don't think they could on those dates, but maybe like the 23rd or 22nd even, he has family so he may be busy. be flexible.

No excuses, let your fingers do the walking.

No excuses, ask plarty planners what they can do for like 50$, won't be much but it'll give u ideas, doesn't mean u have to book something with em.

[Krazy4Boots]

HT:

I do not have any friends in Fresno!! The friends that live the closest to me are TWO HUNDRED miles away!! They would not be able to see me during the holidays. They have already told me so. No, I cannot go to see them. It is too late to book a seat on Amtrak. They are booked solid until after New Year's Day!! Even if I could get a seat on the train, neither of my friends would have a place for me to sleep at their home. I cannot afford a motel or hotel room.

I have given the rest of my family up for dead. They detest me so I detest them!!

Paul's wife would not let me come over to their home for the holidays. She wants Paul to keep his business and personal lives separate.

So, I guess that it is "Happy Thanksgiving, ceiling!!" and "Merry Christmas, walls!!"

[h0rnytoad1]

HT:

I do not have any friends in Fresno!! The friends that live the closest to me are TWO HUNDRED miles away!! They would not be able to see me during the holidays. They have already told me so. No, I cannot go to see them. It is too late to book a seat on Amtrak. They are booked solid until after New Year's Day!! Even if I could get a seat on the train, neither of my friends would have a place for me to sleep at their home. I cannot afford a motel or hotel room.

I have given the rest of my family up for dead. They detest me so I detest them!!

Paul's wife would not let me come over to their home for the holidays. She wants Paul to keep his business and personal lives separate.

So, I guess that it is "Happy Thanksgiving, ceiling!!" and "Merry Christmas, walls!!"

i think you're selling yourself short. try it, and see what happens.

Paul and his wife have a life of there own, and i'm sure they don't want anyone in their house that may have problems, its their sanctuary and we have to respect that.

that said, it doesn't mean you can't invite them. you're in fresno? so california? meaning outside temps are nice and stillw arm? make it a garden party. at your place. doesnt have to be fancy, just a BBQ and some drinks.

thing is, you can't just complain about not having xmas party now, you can do something about it.

doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg, doesn't have to be close friends, just get in touch with people you know, invite them, make a turkey or chicken or a roast even, tell em to bring a dish they like if you want to make it a pot-luck.

point is, all these possibilities and you just have to use them.

Let us know how you're doing with the preps and maybe we can get some pix of the party too.

have fun, its what its all about.

here are 10 steps to a good xmas party, try them let us know.

[Krazy4Boots]

HT:

The only things that I can cook are hamburgers and pork chops!! Would you want that on Thanksgiving or Christmas? I highly doubt it!!

I have been clean and sober for TWENTY YEARS!! I avoid alcohol like the plague!!

I don't have a garden!! I live in a mobile home. They are not known for having gardens around them!! This tin can is too small to have a party in!! It would become very cramped very quickly!!

Fresno is in central California. It is 180 miles southeast of San Francisco and 300 miles north of LA. Today's high temperature was 68 degrees. Tonight's low will be 44. Or as my favorite funny man, George Carlin once said, "Tonight's forecast, DARK!! Turning to widely scattered light in the morning!!" We have already had our first major downpour of the season.

I don't know anyone in this town!!

Not many of the other residents of this mobile home park know me. I literally keep to myself. It is hard to know if I am home or gone because I keep this place dark and quiet. I never turn on my TV or radio. At night, there is only one light turned on. It is the floor lamp next to this computer. I keep all of the blinds closed. I have lived here since November of 2002. I rarely leave this place.

[h0rnytoad1]

HT:

The only things that I can cook are hamburgers and pork chops!! Would you want that on Thanksgiving or Christmas? I highly doubt it!!

I have been clean and sober for TWENTY YEARS!! I avoid alcohol like the plague!!

I don't have a garden!! I live in a mobile home. They are not known for having gardens around them!! This tin can is too small to have a party in!! It would become very cramped very quickly!!

Fresno is in central California. It is 180 miles southeast of San Francisco and 300 miles north of LA. Today's high temperature was 68 degrees. Tonight's low will be 44. Or as my favorite funny man, George Carlin once said, "Tonight's forecast, DARK!! Turning to widely scattered light in the morning!!" We have already had our first major downpour of the season.

I don't know anyone in this town!!

Not many of the other residents of this mobile home park know me. I literally keep to myself. It is hard to know if I am home or gone because I keep this place dark and quiet. I never turn on my TV or radio. At night, there is only one light turned on. It is the floor lamp next to this computer. I keep all of the blinds closed. I have lived here since November of 2002. I rarely leave this place.

burgers and chops, well its better than nothing. Get some steaks too, and marinade all the meats, yum!. who cares about traditions, i don't like turkey, makes me sleepy.

get a punchbowl, make juice for it.

hey its yoru party, alc or none, you dont have to have any, the others might enjoy it tho.

anyway, have fun, plan it just for fun, see what you could really come up with,


all i know is, i can't break your arm to have fun right ? its up to you to want it. let us know how it turned out if you decide to do it.

[Krazy4Boots]

HT:

Did you like my quoting George Carlin's Hippy Dippy Weatherman?

I have the RECORD (Yep!! Vinyl!!) with that routine on it!! The album is titled "FM & AM"!!

[LauraJebAndSue]

Boots,

Listen to HT1 and go for it!

Look! We know many hot big boobed extra hot Ladies that most think "have IT all" that have sooooo many issues! It is not so much how you Look, but more how you THINK!

LJ&S TRio

PS Have you the read the first 3 Chapters yet at: http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/en-US/ ... apters.htm for FREE online?

[h0rnytoad1]

HT:

Did you like my quoting George Carlin's Hippy Dippy Weatherman?

I have the RECORD (Yep!! Vinyl!!) with that routine on it!! The album is titled "FM & AM"!!

yep, i have his video i think in my video thread, search for him you'll find it.

He's freakin genius of common sense. i love that.