My new "top ten best emails ever" thread.

[WalterB]

Hi i really need to cancel my subscription. because I have to. choose my girlfriend or porn. and of course I choose her. have a good day

I may have to have this conversation some day if I ever meet someone - I figure it's best to be upfont about stuff like this. It's all part of the package deal, ladies.

I almost left the VNA because of a woman, George. Stupidest thing I ever did. Thank goodness Vicky saved my sorry ass.

[DrNick2014]

I just got this 5 min ago to webmaster@sarajay.com, I guess he thought he was writing to her directly:

Hi Wood it be possible to meet you and fuck your brains out on a set
I'm very well hung for a white guy
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

Well if ya can't even fuckin spell right, lol....

[stickyvicky]

Got a little chuckle from this one that came in at 4 am lol.....

Would you excuse me, cause I am too bloody Stoned I don't remember my name and the password in it but it's a very nice site, I am hoping that you will accept to help me.

[CGYMike]

hahahaha....I sure hope that you were able to help out the poor fellow...a man can't have enough naked ladies in his life. Despite being stoned, the man put together a pretty coherent sentence

[hennar2017]

Oh you shouldn't make fun of the poor guy who was stoned! At least he knew enough to ask for help and not try to fix it himself! I guess that is the kind of mood I am today. Feeling sorry for others.

[PeterL22]

Oh you shouldn't make fun of the poor guy who was stoned! At least he knew enough to ask for help and not try to fix it himself! I guess that is the kind of mood I am today. Feeling sorry for others.

And its Haagen- Daz so at least its good ice-cream!

[DrNick2014]

Apparently he is too high to speak coherently too...

[stickyvicky]

the hilarious thing is, after researching for him, he wasnt even a member of any site!

[PeterL22]

the hilarious thing is, after researching for him, he wasnt even a member of any site!

Hey Vicky,
If you don't ask you don't get - and I've been fooling you for months!!

[DrNick2014]

the hilarious thing is, after researching for him, he wasnt even a member of any site!

So he's both illiterate and a (bad) phisher. Making stoners look bad! >:-(

[stickyvicky]

This came in this morning:
I have an idea. Turn me on to Ava Devine for a hour. Her rate is $1250. If only I had that kind of money. All I got is $1. Put us in a motel room if don't mind doing this. Ava is the kind of girl I wanna play if not y'all yet. She's a perfect match. :-)

[WalterB]

Lol. Can you loan me $1250 and set me up with someone else?

[greggl]

This came in this morning:
I have an idea. Turn me on to Ava Devine for a hour. Her rate is $1250. If only I had that kind of money. All I got is $1. Put us in a motel room if don't mind doing this. Ava is the kind of girl I wanna play if not y'all yet. She's a perfect match. :-)

He did just say he had an ideal. He didnt say it was a good idea. lol

[PeterL22]

This came in this morning:
I have an idea. Turn me on to Ava Devine for a hour. Her rate is $1250. If only I had that kind of money. All I got is $1. Put us in a motel room if don't mind doing this. Ava is the kind of girl I wanna play if not y'all yet. She's a perfect match. :-)

He did just say he had an ideal. He didnt say it was a good idea. lol

Like everything else, it depends on your viewpoint. From his point of view it was a great idea!

[PeterL22]

Not an email but a letter I once dictated after an oncology clinic (specially for Dr Dave this one).
Dear Dr Dave,
I have just seen your patient Ms Thingy in clinic. She is generally well, but tells me "her head feels like a bucket!".
I must admit she does look a little pale.

Yes I did write that without thinking, but on reflection, I'm pretty proud of it!


For younger readers, a letter is like an email written on paper that you put in a postbox (large square thing with slot in top - US version may be slightly different), and then it takes anything up to seven days (more at Christmas) to arrive with the intended recipient!

[PeterL22]

917362828_1126831887445225_7129595737940480964_n.jpg (23.19 KiB) Viewed 52 times

[Anthony_JK]

This came in this morning:
I have an idea. Turn me on to Ava Devine for a hour. Her rate is $1250. If only I had that kind of money. All I got is $1. Put us in a motel room if don't mind doing this. Ava is the kind of girl I wanna play if not y'all yet. She's a perfect match. :-)

Really??

One...how in THEE HELL does this fool know Ava's rate?

Second, does he really think that Vicky can trot over to Vegas where Ava resides and convince her to hook this idgit up with her? Son, Ava Devine doesn't need Vicky or anyone else to troll for dick; dick trolls directly to HER.

And third, even if it was possible, silly man, could you last even 10 seconds when Ava drops the panties and breaks out the supersized dildo for your ass?

Some people. #SMH

[rokkerr]

Just got this winner...

"My name is Paul. I have a question I want to work for your company pornographic.I'm single man living Canada Edmonton.AB.and looking that job with good Woman partnership. Please write me.thanks"

... maybe it's one of Mike's relatives?

[WalterB]

Does anyone wonder why he's single?

[George B]

I might have to make that my new Tinder profile.