My new "top ten best emails ever" thread.

[stickyvicky]

I know Sasha has a thread like this too... I figured I'd start my own, so at least the crap I have to deal with on a daily basis can serve as entertainment for us all!

First off, so you can get an idea of the amount of mail I have to go through each day, these are the stats from my cloudmark spam blocker:
My Statistics
My total messages checked 342,544
My total spam stopped 105,167
This is since I installed cloudmark about 3 years ago, so you can see right off, about 1/3 of my mail is junk. But I still get about 200 emails a day that I have to read. So don't be surprised sometimes if I don't answer right away, or be disappointed if you get one line responses. I prefer to do my opining, musings and ramblings here on the board.

This guy actually sent me the same email every day for a week, till I answered him very sweetly.
dear sir ms. vicky vette　　　　　　　　　　滅喫！　
how do you do sir !
I want to fuck you out n cripple it up your ass n throat then whole things to the extremity in japan, osaka !
we are waiting you'll reach our land to see the hometown for screw a lot around with us !
pleased to meet you !

faithfully
( youkai nekohennsinn ! ufufufufuu ! )
ciao
zukoop !

Now I know he's japanese and must have used some online translater, but it's still funny as hell!
I answered him that sweeter words had never been spoken, and I would be right over! He hasn't written since!

[Anthony_JK]

Wait a minute...."How do you do,SIR?!?!?!"

Did that fool actually look at a photo before he emailed you, Vicky?? Or...maybe he mistook you for Rokkerr??

Or...maybe the guy took a wrong turn in the gay male section and ended up here??

Yeah....thinking with your dick does seem to lower the IQ levet a notch or 20 in some people, doesn't it??

Between the wannafucks, the guys emailing photos of their dicks asking for your advice for getting in your panties...ahhh, I mean, getting into porn, and the "Wazzzzuuupppp!!!" hit-and-runners, I'm sure the spam filter there gets plenty of work.

But, it's all for the best, I think....they wouldn't go so hard for you if you really did suck....and I don't mean sucking their dicks, either.



Anthony

[stickyvicky]

Here's yesterday's winner... I read it out loud for the cam2cammers right after I got it...

Vicky,
Do you still give those free fifteen minute coupons? If you do, I was going to ask if we could meet in a private chat room. Do you think you could get Jenna Jameson to join us? I really need a blow job from you.
Could you also orgasm on camera for me as we both climax? Please let me know if you can do this. I greatly appreciate it.
Russell

[h0rnytoad1]

Here's yesterday's winner... I read it out loud for the cam2cammers right after I got it...

Vicky,
Do you still give those free fifteen minute coupons? If you do, I was going to ask if we could meet in a private chat room. Do you think you could get Jenna Jameson to join us? I really need a blow job from you.
Could you also orgasm on camera for me as we both climax? Please let me know if you can do this. I greatly appreciate it.
Russell

well 1 out of 2 ain't bad. considering you totally always hang out with your bestest friend forevar Jenna.



oh well, he doesn't follow the board i guess lol

[Anthony_JK]

Here's yesterday's winner... I read it out loud for the cam2cammers right after I got it...

Vicky,
Do you still give those free fifteen minute coupons? If you do, I was going to ask if we could meet in a private chat room. Do you think you could get Jenna Jameson to join us? I really need a blow job from you.
Could you also orgasm on camera for me as we both climax? Please let me know if you can do this. I greatly appreciate it.
Russell

Damn, but that's funny.

I don't know what's better: him thinking that Vicky is such pals with Jenna that they will team up to do a show for 15 freakin' minutes...or the idea that Vicky will go over to his house and blow him.

Dewd....dewd....TV isn't quite that interactive yet.


Anthony

[vectis]

I don't know what's better: him thinking that Vicky is such pals with Jenna that they will team up to do a show for 15 freakin' minutes...or the idea that Vicky will go over to his house and blow him.

Dewd....dewd....TV isn't quite that interactive yet.


Anthony

Vicky and Ms god Almighty Jenna

But back to topic Vicky..I remember from our blab chats that you receive e-mails.... "can I ask you a question Ms Vette?"

[stickyvicky]

Here's a good one I just got today!

If you desire the unique revenue producing venture, I want to donate myself as the longpig main course for the women's BBQ/Hawaiian Luau.

I have had this obsession for many years and it may either be a fantasy money-making video for the Internet or reality.

I am prepared as The Dinner Guest Of Honor. I am either roasted alive on a rotisserie or cooked in a pit. This procedure is in the banquet area so the attendees smell the delicious aroma to stimulate their appetites. I melt when I see women wearing a tiny bikini with high heels and want to be in their warm bellies. The carving crew places me onto the silver carving platter, garnished, and the apple is stuffed in my mouth. I melt when I see bikini clad women and wish to be in their warm bellies. The sexiest part of the woman's anatomy is the navel. I will be placed on a carving platter, garnished, and served with an apple stuffed in my mouth.

My characteristics are 100% healthy, 185 pounds, 5' 10", blond hair, blue eyes, never married, no children, no drugs, non-drinker, and non-smoker. I received a football scholarship to Michigan State University and earned a Master of Business Administration. My career is as a librarian.

Thank you for consideration and I look forward to the favorable reply.

[WalterB]

Just not too sure.... Laughing too hard. But I go for the pit. That way we wouldn't have to watch.

[John_fromNY]

Here's a good one I just got today!

If you desire the unique revenue producing venture, I want to donate myself as the longpig main course for the women's BBQ/Hawaiian Luau.

I have had this obsession for many years and it may either be a fantasy money-making video for the Internet or reality.

I am prepared as The Dinner Guest Of Honor. I am either roasted alive on a rotisserie or cooked in a pit. This procedure is in the banquet area so the attendees smell the delicious aroma to stimulate their appetites. I melt when I see women wearing a tiny bikini with high heels and want to be in their warm bellies. The carving crew places me onto the silver carving platter, garnished, and the apple is stuffed in my mouth. I melt when I see bikini clad women and wish to be in their warm bellies. The sexiest part of the woman's anatomy is the navel. I will be placed on a carving platter, garnished, and served with an apple stuffed in my mouth.

My characteristics are 100% healthy, 185 pounds, 5' 10", blond hair, blue eyes, never married, no children, no drugs, non-drinker, and non-smoker. I received a football scholarship to Michigan State University and earned a Master of Business Administration. My career is as a librarian.

Thank you for consideration and I look forward to the favorable reply.

Talk about weird... Not your response but his...

This post reminds out of something out of the New Testament - King Herod's daughter Salome requesting St. John the Baptist's head on a platter. After she did the very sensual dance of the veils for her stepfather. Yikes! So very scary.

Yes Vicky. I guess you get some real winners... Ugh.

So I guess my Jenna Jameson avatar is out of the question then?

[h0rnytoad1]

bwahaha he's trying too hard. way too "proper" writting.

me, 2 words: Shrimp anyone? oh la la

hehe

ouch watch the fork !

Here's a good one I just got today!

If you desire the unique revenue producing venture, I want to donate myself as the longpig main course for the women's BBQ/Hawaiian Luau.

I have had this obsession for many years and it may either be a fantasy money-making video for the Internet or reality.

[Luck_e]

Here's a good one I just got today!

If you desire the unique revenue producing venture, I want to donate myself as the longpig main course for the women's BBQ/Hawaiian Luau.

I have had this obsession for many years and it may either be a fantasy money-making video for the Internet or reality.

I am prepared as The Dinner Guest Of Honor. I am either roasted alive on a rotisserie or cooked in a pit. This procedure is in the banquet area so the attendees smell the delicious aroma to stimulate their appetites. I melt when I see women wearing a tiny bikini with high heels and want to be in their warm bellies. The carving crew places me onto the silver carving platter, garnished, and the apple is stuffed in my mouth. I melt when I see bikini clad women and wish to be in their warm bellies. The sexiest part of the woman's anatomy is the navel. I will be placed on a carving platter, garnished, and served with an apple stuffed in my mouth.

My characteristics are 100% healthy, 185 pounds, 5' 10", blond hair, blue eyes, never married, no children, no drugs, non-drinker, and non-smoker. I received a football scholarship to Michigan State University and earned a Master of Business Administration. My career is as a librarian.

Thank you for consideration and I look forward to the favorable reply.

okay..he went to Michigan state (not a bad college to go to i've heard great things about their athletics dept.) on a sports scholarship (as what...the football?) and earned a masters in B.A and he's a LIBRARIAN????? is this a fantasy or an ends to justify the means of ending a once promising and bright future (snicker)

[stickyvicky]

Got this one yesterday, what do you think? lol... should be we advertise on his forehead? Wonder how much he charges?

billy gibby said: My name is Billy Gibby but I go by the name Billythebillboard I am an undefeated boxer, kidney donor and human billboard thats right. I have 18 permenent tattoo advertisements for various websites and would love to advertise for you as well with a permenent tattoo ad. Right now I am advertising for 7 adult websites so far one is for hotmovies one is for Minkaxxx.com , and the other is for Evelyn Lin-loveevelyn.com as well as pornfedelity.com and xxxhomevideo.com and one is for drfreak I would love to advertise for you as well. I just got Liberty tax service on my neck yesterday I would do it for a good price as well we could even do one on my head Minkas is on my forehead Please let me know if your interested it would litterally be seen by millions and get great media attention as well. I can send you press I have been in the past just let me know. I have 2 tattoo ads that are on my cheeks I would love to add your website to on my head as well or somewhere else on my face or head. I also have pornfidelity.com on my other cheek now I have 6 thousand friends on myspace and on my tattoo page I have over 28 thousand page hits and have been on the site for only a month or so and have 5 thousand friends on there . I also have around 1500 followers on twitter that I would tweet links to your website out to my folllowers with photos of the tattoo ad we do and pics would be posted on both those sites as well as on my facebook and the ad would be seen at all my boxing matches as well. Also it will be seen daily by everyone I see who can miss a tattoo on someones face? Espeacially a porn website =). It would get great media coverage as well. I am also writing a blog post for tattooblog each week about my adventures in tattoo advertising and each week I write a post with photos of each website I advertise for and say good things about the site that tattoo blog gets 30 thousand hits a month. I would be happy to send you articles and links to the press i have been in also you can google my name Billy gibby or billythebillboard as well to get information to. I have been in newspapers around the country as well as business weekly and san diego tribune, contra costa times, Bizzare magazine, Rebel Ink magazine and news shows as well. Prices for head tattoo advertisements are negotiable and if you decided to advertise on me I believe that would be my last tattoo ad on my face ever we could do it on my cheek and it would litterally be seen by millions of people 600 for my head or negotiable 900 or my facial cheek wich would be seen forever by anyone who sees me chest is 400 arm is 400 lifetime name change of my to your website it would be 4000 so whenever I box I would be announced as that as well as my name on myspace interviews on tv in magazines they would all refer to me in their writints as your website name

[boltman]

Got this one yesterday, what do you think? lol... should be we advertise on his forehead? Wonder how much he charges?

billy gibby said: My name is Billy Gibby but I go by the name Billythebillboard I am an undefeated boxer, kidney donor and human billboard thats right. I have 18 permenent tattoo advertisements for various websites and would love to advertise for you as well with a permenent tattoo ad. Right now I am advertising for 7 adult websites so far one is for hotmovies one is for Minkaxxx.com , and the other is for Evelyn Lin-loveevelyn.com as well as pornfedelity.com and xxxhomevideo.com and one is for drfreak I would love to advertise for you as well. I just got Liberty tax service on my neck yesterday I would do it for a good price as well we could even do one on my head Minkas is on my forehead Please let me know if your interested it would litterally be seen by millions and get great media attention as well. I can send you press I have been in the past just let me know. I have 2 tattoo ads that are on my cheeks I would love to add your website to on my head as well or somewhere else on my face or head. I also have pornfidelity.com on my other cheek now I have 6 thousand friends on myspace and on my tattoo page I have over 28 thousand page hits and have been on the site for only a month or so and have 5 thousand friends on there . I also have around 1500 followers on twitter that I would tweet links to your website out to my folllowers with photos of the tattoo ad we do and pics would be posted on both those sites as well as on my facebook and the ad would be seen at all my boxing matches as well. Also it will be seen daily by everyone I see who can miss a tattoo on someones face? Espeacially a porn website =). It would get great media coverage as well. I am also writing a blog post for tattooblog each week about my adventures in tattoo advertising and each week I write a post with photos of each website I advertise for and say good things about the site that tattoo blog gets 30 thousand hits a month. I would be happy to send you articles and links to the press i have been in also you can google my name Billy gibby or billythebillboard as well to get information to. I have been in newspapers around the country as well as business weekly and san diego tribune, contra costa times, Bizzare magazine, Rebel Ink magazine and news shows as well. Prices for head tattoo advertisements are negotiable and if you decided to advertise on me I believe that would be my last tattoo ad on my face ever we could do it on my cheek and it would litterally be seen by millions of people 600 for my head or negotiable 900 or my facial cheek wich would be seen forever by anyone who sees me chest is 400 arm is 400 lifetime name change of my to your website it would be 4000 so whenever I box I would be announced as that as well as my name on myspace interviews on tv in magazines they would all refer to me in their writints as your website name

I got tired just reading that. This guy writes like he's on speed or something. I wonder if any of his "advertisements" use punctuation! BTW, the best line?? "..if you decided to advertise ON me.."!!! That was great!!

[boltman]

Here's a good one I just got today!

If you desire the unique revenue producing venture, I want to donate myself as the longpig main course for the women's BBQ/Hawaiian Luau.

I have had this obsession for many years and it may either be a fantasy money-making video for the Internet or reality.

I am prepared as The Dinner Guest Of Honor. I am either roasted alive on a rotisserie or cooked in a pit. This procedure is in the banquet area so the attendees smell the delicious aroma to stimulate their appetites. I melt when I see women wearing a tiny bikini with high heels and want to be in their warm bellies. The carving crew places me onto the silver carving platter, garnished, and the apple is stuffed in my mouth. I melt when I see bikini clad women and wish to be in their warm bellies. The sexiest part of the woman's anatomy is the navel. I will be placed on a carving platter, garnished, and served with an apple stuffed in my mouth.

My characteristics are 100% healthy, 185 pounds, 5' 10", blond hair, blue eyes, never married, no children, no drugs, non-drinker, and non-smoker. I received a football scholarship to Michigan State University and earned a Master of Business Administration. My career is as a librarian.




Thank you for consideration and I look forward to the favorable reply.

Librarian, huh? It's ALWAYS the quiet ones. If you recall, THIS guy was pretty quiet and kept to himself, too....

[BobbiEden]

Charge????? he should do it for free.. t should be an honor having your website name on his forehead !!!!

Got this one yesterday, what do you think? lol... should be we advertise on his forehead? Wonder how much he charges?

billy gibby said: My name is Billy Gibby but I go by the name Billythebillboard I am an undefeated boxer, kidney donor and human billboard thats right. I have 18 permenent tattoo advertisements for various websites and would love to advertise for you as well with a permenent tattoo ad. Right now I am advertising for 7 adult websites so far one is for hotmovies one is for Minkaxxx.com , and the other is for Evelyn Lin-loveevelyn.com as well as pornfedelity.com and xxxhomevideo.com and one is for drfreak I would love to advertise for you as well. I just got Liberty tax service on my neck yesterday I would do it for a good price as well we could even do one on my head Minkas is on my forehead Please let me know if your interested it would litterally be seen by millions and get great media attention as well. I can send you press I have been in the past just let me know. I have 2 tattoo ads that are on my cheeks I would love to add your website to on my head as well or somewhere else on my face or head. I also have pornfidelity.com on my other cheek now I have 6 thousand friends on myspace and on my tattoo page I have over 28 thousand page hits and have been on the site for only a month or so and have 5 thousand friends on there . I also have around 1500 followers on twitter that I would tweet links to your website out to my folllowers with photos of the tattoo ad we do and pics would be posted on both those sites as well as on my facebook and the ad would be seen at all my boxing matches as well. Also it will be seen daily by everyone I see who can miss a tattoo on someones face? Espeacially a porn website =). It would get great media coverage as well. I am also writing a blog post for tattooblog each week about my adventures in tattoo advertising and each week I write a post with photos of each website I advertise for and say good things about the site that tattoo blog gets 30 thousand hits a month. I would be happy to send you articles and links to the press i have been in also you can google my name Billy gibby or billythebillboard as well to get information to. I have been in newspapers around the country as well as business weekly and san diego tribune, contra costa times, Bizzare magazine, Rebel Ink magazine and news shows as well. Prices for head tattoo advertisements are negotiable and if you decided to advertise on me I believe that would be my last tattoo ad on my face ever we could do it on my cheek and it would litterally be seen by millions of people 600 for my head or negotiable 900 or my facial cheek wich would be seen forever by anyone who sees me chest is 400 arm is 400 lifetime name change of my to your website it would be 4000 so whenever I box I would be announced as that as well as my name on myspace interviews on tv in magazines they would all refer to me in their writints as your website name

[BigDaddy]

The Human Pig says " Not Married" and a "Non-Drinker", IMAGINE THAT!

BigDaddy, Married,... so I am a drinker.

[WalterB]

Wow, I bet the girls are just falling all over for GoodOleBilly.

[stickyvicky]

Thank you for emailing me back! for a permenent tattoo advertisement on my head for life the price is 600 and a permenent tattoo ad on my facial cheek is 900 and that is permenent and would be litterally seen by millions. please let me know what you think id be happy to send you links of news and photos of my current tattoo ads. ps I am voting for you right now
talk to you soon
Billy gibby aka billythebillboard

[WalterB]

Ya know, the human body only has a limited amount of space for "permanent" markings. So, even at the prices Billy charges, he will someday run out of space, and not be able to sell more.

So, what will he do when the money dries up?

I was gonna try to be funny and say, "I wonder what he's charge me to tattoo 'Walt was here' on his crank. Then I realised, "Wait a minute. Is that really where I want my name tattooed?"

Now, if a ceertain Sara Jay wanted to tattoo 'Walt was here' in a certain private place....

[stickyvicky]

Got this one today:

Hello!

My name is Susan from Austria and I had a big wish.
My little brother, her name is Tobias is a very, very big fan of you and on the 31 March his eleventh birthday is.
I have asked him: What would you like this year?
And he answered me: A autograph of you.
Puh, it was not easy to get your e-mail adress.
I hope you can send me (for me too) two autographs on my adress:

My brother and I thank you very much.
I hope you can send me the autograph!!
With best wishes

Susan


Yeah right! Do you know what kind of trouble I could get in for a pornstar even communicating with an 11 year old? I have never hit the delete button so fast!