jokes for Sunny

[kimhilla]

Did anyone hear any good jokes over the holidays? Sunny wants to hear it for her blog and its been awhile we need a new laugh.

[danamend]

I started this thread for Sunny but she rarely comes to the forum so I've been posting jokes in a different thread. If I think of any jokes for her,I may post them here.

[h0rnytoad1]

her forum wasn't online until yesterday so now we can resume with regularly scheduled antics.

here's a bunch to kick off the new year:

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing
because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

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The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"

Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"

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Doggy Dictionary
LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: A liquid that, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and get drool on the human.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human exchange of business cards.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the house before your person comes home.

BATH: If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get jealous and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.

LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!" especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn't get the attention you require...especially effective when combined with the sniff. See above.

CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase. If they fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

[h0rnytoad1]

A boy asks his father, how do you spell vagina?

The father says you should of asked me last night, I had it on the tip of my tongue.

[h0rnytoad1]

One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.

[h0rnytoad1]

An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left. I asked my wife to help. We even called up Arlene, the lady next door. Nothing."

The doctor was shocked. He said, "You asked your neighbor?"

"Yep," the old man replied. "None of us could get the jar open."

[Sunny Lane]

These are great guys! Keep them cumming!

Sunny Lane

[danamend]

I know it's past St. Patrick's Day but what do you call an Irishman in a lawn chair? Paddy O'furniture