All the news that's fit to print

[WalterB]

Well, they're at it again: "Police await autopsy results in Paul Walker crash."

Here's a hint --> He died by being blown into a thousand pieces in a blazing fireball!

I shoulda had a career in the coroners office. I'd sure speed things up.

[WalterB]

Ok, finally figured it out. They weren't trying to figure out how, they were trying to figure out the right words to use. I guess, "exploded to bits" was a bit too much for them.

The two died of "traumatic and thermal injuries." (Took a college degree to figure that out.) The cause was determined to be "accidental."

Let me save you some time, When I go, it will most likely be "Old Age. His freaking body was used up." I will be dead in my chair 5 days before they even find me. So, they will find me "shriveled up and dried like a flower in an old book." Don't let 'em bull shit ya.

[WalterB]

DON'T STEAL GAS!

This report, out of South LA, details a guy with a great idea. He apparently had done this successfully several times before. But, if you're stupid, nothing lasts forever.

He pulled into a gas station and bought some gas. After paying, he pulled around to the side of the station, where the main underground tanks were. He had 2 50-gallon drums and a pump in the back of the van. He stopped by one of the tanks, removed the cap and placed a hose down into the tank. He started the pump and began filling his drums. "Ah, well, what do I do now for the next 5 to 10 minutes?" Well, this Rhodes Scholar (NOT!) decides to light a cigarette.

Well, his van is now his casket. Smooth move, Ex-Lax!

http://news.yahoo.com/video/man-catches ... 40735.html

[WalterB]

GOOD NEWS - You don't have to be intelligent to get into Harvard!

BOSTON (AP) — Federal prosecutors say a Harvard University student trying to get out of taking a final exam made the bomb threats that led to the evacuations of four campus buildings this week.

A criminal complaint filed Tuesday by the U.S. attorney's office says Eldo Kim sent emails saying bombs had been placed around the Cambridge, Mass., campus to Harvard police, two university officials and the president of the Harvard Crimson newspaper.

The messages said shrapnel bombs would go off soon in two of the four buildings, including one where prosecutors say Kim was supposed to take an exam Monday morning. The buildings were shut down for hours before investigators determined there were no explosives.

Kim is to make an initial court appearance Wednesday. It's unknown if he has an attorney.


Let's see. I'll send this on my Smart Phone from my Email account. That way, they'll never be able to trace me.

Crap! I coulda got into Harvard and didn't even know it. I'm at least as smart as that idiot. I mean, I would have sent from my anonymous Twitter account. Then I could have blamed it on Golfshaft hacking my account

[Steinar]

I thought this one was way too funny....http://www.nbcnews.com/business/mcdonal ... 2D11792135

[WalterB]

Latest from Hollywood. Miley Cyrus went skydiving for the first time yesterday.



Actually, she got up and started twerking on a commercial flight, and the other passengers opened the door and threw her out.



It didn't say if they gave her a 'chute.

[WalterB]

HAPPY 2014!

"Dear Abby" just posted a list of "do-gooder" things for 2014. Why, the gall of that old biddy. Don't tell me what to do, ya old crotch. I know how to fight goody-goody two shoes like you. Below I posted your assinine comments and my "more like life" answers. Take that, ya old biddy.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

I will live for another 20 years, just to piss you off. That is my far-reaching goal. I will pass all my problems on to you, that I may live a problem-free life. Do something for 24 hours? How about having sex with all the VNA ladies, one after another while you watch, ya old biddy.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

I will be grouchy. I love depression. You must have bats in your belfry. I will fill my thoughts with pictures of the bird of paradise crapping all over your patio and your car.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

I won't accept a damn thing. My life better get better, or somebody's gonna pay.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

I will NOT improve my mind. You can't improve perfection I will read a sex story that ShandaFay wrote. I will concentrate on shooting flies off the ceiling as I read it. I will mentally picture Vicky Vette and MonicaMilf boning my ass until I scream. And I will throw in Nigella Lawson for good measure.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

Agreeable, my ass. Bite me ya old biddy. I will be mean and grouchy to those who cross my path and will spew hate on everyone else. Ain't a damn thing wrong with my appearance. I will yell constantly and interrupt anyone bold enough to open his yap. And Instead of bathing once a week, I will wait two weeks when I know you're around.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

I'm as good as I can be. No room for improvement. I am a GOD! The rest of you? Shape up or ship OUT!

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

I will eat crap every day. I will start smoking again, just to piss everyone off. I will gain 100 lbs this year, so you will have to wait on me. My couch is my home. I will walk to the bathroom and the beer cooler. And I'm not sure about the bathroom thing.

Happy New Year, you old Crotch Rockets.

PS: Love you all. May your new year be better than the last.

[WalterB]

Creative Spam never fails to make me laugh. I got one today, subject was "Get laid FREE for life."

Free? For LIFE??? Man, I'm clicking that link.

[CGYMike]

I thought I could get laid free for life but it came with a jail sentence.... Hahahahahaha

[WalterB]

When you get to my age:

RAMBLINGS OF AN OLD MIND

I was thinking about how those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse is a status symbol of today. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid. Now I have what they call "blue teeth," I think.

You know, over my lifetime, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, that one's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They are cramming for their finals.

A FEW MORE THOUGHTS LEARNED ALONG LIFE'S JOURNEY ....

Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then poop on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

[WalterB]

Rokkerr asked Walt if he would provide security for the ladies at the next Adultcon. I think Walt took the idea a little too seriously.

oldguy.jpg (50.14 KiB) Viewed 71 times

[WalterB]

Well, I guess I'm kind of happy and excited. After two years of trying, my son finally got accepted by the Border Patrol, He first applied two years ago and has jumped through every hoop they threw at him - paperwork, interviews, fitness tests, Dr. interviews. They even made him drive from Denver to Artesia, NM (1,000 mi. R/T) last summer for a 30 minute interview. I drove over and got a room. He and I spent the weekend, then his interview was Monday morning. He bathed and dressed up and took off. He was back before I could get checked out of the room.

He'll report to the Artersia Training Center March 24th and be there 3 months. Then, after that, he'll stay for two more months to learn Spanish. (¿Habla Español, Keed? ) He has a selection of 8 places to go after that. He's to pick 3 and call them back tomorrow. They're all in small towns, places like Ajo, Az, Van Horn, Marfa, Alpine, Tx. Obviously, I"m hoping he picks one close, but I know he wants to go "where the action is," haha.

But, wherever he goes, I have no doubt he'll handle the training. He was a Marine for 6 years and still goes to the Gym every morning after work (works nights.) His pay will be about 2-1/2 times what he's getting now, so I think around $15/hr, which will be great for him. Maybe now he can start repaying some of that money I loaned him )

Of course, I love him, and am very proud of him. He's worked hard for this and certainly deserves it.

Way to go, Son.

[WalterB]

Wow! Somebody's getting a little serious about the little twerp. I even saw one comment somewhere that we buy him a Porsche Carrera GT (the kind of car Paul Walker died in.)

Washington (AFP) - As if Barack Obama didn't have enough problems to deal with already, his administration now is being asked to weigh in on the grave matter of Justin Bieber.

By mid-day Wednesday (1700 GMT), a petition on the White House website calling for the deportation of the Canadian-born teen idol had garnered 103,000 names -- easily surpassing the threshold of 100,000 signatures required for presidential consideration.

"We the people of the United States feel that we are being wrongly represented in the world of pop culture," says the petition, created by one "J.A." in Detroit last Thursday, the day Bieber was busted in Miami Beach for impaired driving and illegal drag racing in a flashy Italian sports car.

We would like to see the dangerous, reckless, destructive, and drug abusing, Justin Bieber deported and his green card revoked. He is not only threatening the safety of our people but he is also a terrible influence on our nation's youth. We the people would like to remove Justin Bieber from our society."

There was no immediate comment from the White House, whose website hosts citizens' petitions on other, more heady issues such as the legalization of marijuana and a pardon for National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden.

Nor was there comment from Bieber himself, who according to gossip websites was back in Los Angeles on Wednesday after a weekend beach break in Panama.

Bieber, 19, is understood to be living and working in the United States under a renewable O-1 visa for entertainers, rather than a "green card" that represents permanent resident status.

Now out on bail, Bieber is due back in Miami for a court appearance on Valentine's Day, even as police in Los Angeles pursue their investigation into an earlier incident in which Bieber allegedly hurled eggs at a neighbor's house.

CGYMike, you got a spare bedroom this kid could move into???

[WalterB]

Certainly should have seen this one coming. Get your weed, then your munchies fix. One-stop shopping.

Colorado Girl Scouts told not to sell cookies outside pot shops

'A marijuana dispensary isn't a place for young girls to be selling cookies'

Want some Girl Scout cookies to go along with your legal weed in Colorado? You'll have to plan ahead.

Girl Scouts of Colorado officials are defending the organization's decision to effectively bar its members from selling cookies outside the state's marijuana dispensaries.

"There's a place for everything, and just like a liquor store or a gun show, a marijuana dispensary isn't a place for young girls to be selling cookies," Rachelle Trujillo, chief marketing officer for the Girl Scouts of Colorado, told the Huffington Post. "There are plenty of other options for customers of adult businesses to purchase cookies at other locations."

In response to a California Girl Scout's ingenious strategy to sell cookies outside a medical marijuana dispensary, the Girl Scouts of Colorado issued a statement on its Facebook page saying members may not sell cookies outside recreational and medical dispensaries.

"Girl Scouts of Colorado doesn’t allow girls to sell cookies outside of any adult-oriented business, whether that is a bar, strip club, casino, liquor store or marijuana dispensary," the statement read. "We recognize these are legitimate businesses, but we don’t feel they are an appropriate place for girls to be selling cookies in Colorado."

Some commenters applauded the decision, but others questioned the logic.

"Grocery stores sell cigarettes and beer," one user wrote. "Is it ok for them to sell the cookies outside of grocery stores?"

"While I do not agree with Colorado legalization of marijuana, I feel that this is a huge missed opportunity to increase our sales," wrote another.

Last week, Danielle Lei, a 13-year-old Girl Scout, sold 117 boxes of Girl Scout cookies outside San Francisco's Green Cross medical marijuana dispensary in just two hours.

The Girl Scouts of Northern California supported her strategy.

"The mom decided this was a place she was comfortable with her daughter being,” Dana Allen, director of marketing and communications for Girl Scouts of Northern California, told Mashable. "We're not telling people where they can and can't go if it's a legitimate business."

In Phoenix, Lexi Menees, an 8-year-old inspired by Danielle, set up shop outside a medical marijuana dispensary.

"For me, this isn’t anything controversial," Lexi's mother, Heidi Carney, told the Associated Press. "It’s medication. It’s no different than standing in front of a Walgreens or a CVS."

I certainly agree with the Girl Scouts on this. Some are forgetting that marijuana is still against Federal law in all 50 states, altho the government has chosen not to pursue enforcement against the "medical usage" community.

But, unless the Girl Scout community puts distance limits on this, a troop could just go 3 or 4 doors down the block and set up shop.

[WalterB]

Dang it, Jerry, I thought we told you to save it for the cam shows.

A 72-year old substitute teacher at a public high school in the never-ending suburbs of Connecticut proved that he’s still got it when he was busted for allegedly masturbating right there in a hallway.

The septuagenarian teacher is Michael Luecke, reports The Courant. The incident happened on Wednesday. The scene of the crime was Westhill High School in Stamford.

Police say a school paraprofessional spotted Luecke doing the deed just after 7:30 a.m. The woman said she walked by Luecke as he was sitting in the hallway. She thought maybe he was hurt.

When she approached him, she said, she realized that the 72-year old substitute teacher had his hand stuck down his pants and was “manipulating his penis.”

The school paraprofessional then notified school officials, who notified police.

At that point, school officials removed Luecke from the class he was calmly teaching.

According to The Courant, surveillance video of the scene shows Luecke in a stairwell “suspiciously manipulating the front of his pants while looking at students in the courtyard.”

The sub then vanishes behind some lockers for a moment. Then, he reappears, lying on his back on the floor, focused on the task at hand. At some point, the shocked paraprofessional discovered him — but not before a half dozen students stroll by.

It’s not clear if the students noticed Luecke, realized what he was doing or cared. Nevertheless, school officials as well as local police are working to identify the teenagers to see if they need counseling.

Meanwhile, notes News 12 Connecticut, police have announced that they will not be releasing the video.

Luecke, who has no criminal record, now faces three charges: public indecency, breach of peace and risk of injury to a minor.


Can we bring you anything in the lock-up, Jerry? Like maybe some porn magazines or anything? Can you have conjugal visits? Maybe Deauxma will stop by.

[WalterB]

I'm going to the airport on the 18th to fly to Denver to help my son move his stuff down here for storage while he's in Border Patrol training.

Maybe I'll just walk to the airport.

[WalterB]

Now this is scary - and doesn't even begin to address the puke who is doing it in the first place. At least they published his picture all over the place. Ladies, keep your eyes open out in public.

'Upskirting' is legal, Massachusetts top court says

BOSTON (Reuters) - A man who snapped secret pictures up women's skirts on a Boston subway train - a practice known as upskirting - did not violate the state's Peeping Tom law, Massachusetts' top court said on Wednesday, pointing to a loophole in current legislation.

Massachusetts law prohibits secretly filming or photographing a person who is nude or partly nude, but that does not apply to people who are fully clothed, according to a Supreme Judicial Court decision written by Justice Margot Botsford.

The ruling comes in the case of a man who was arrested by transit police in 2010 for using his cell phone to take pictures and video up women's' skirts on the subway and who fought to have the charges of voyeurism dismissed.

The law "does not apply to photographing... persons who are fully clothed and, in particular, does not reach the type of upskirting that the defendant is charged with attempting to accomplish on the MBTA," it said.

The court said that, while women have a "reasonable expectation of privacy in not having a stranger take photographs up her skirt" the law "in its current form does not address it."

A legal expert took the ruling as a cue for the state legislature to bolster the Peeping Tom law.

"This can be resolved by lawmakers very quickly," said Chris Dearborn, a law professor at Suffolk University in Boston. "If Peeping Toms are jumping for joy because they think they have carte blanche to do this, I suspect it will be short lived."

Suffolk District Attorney Daniel F. Conley's office issued a statement urging the legislature to act fast.

[Gert-Jan]

.... and here's the follow up article on that case. Now it's illegal....

http://www.xbiz.com/news/176314

[WalterB]

Yeah, they jumped on that one pretty quickly. Now let's see how the other 49 states fare. Mayhbe I'll go out and find out if it's illegal in Texas,

Someone keep bail money handy.

[WalterB]

Well, ladies of the VNA, get set to lose your YouTube channels. Seems that Disney, of all people, is buying it. And you know where that will lead.

(USA TODAY) Disney says it is buying YouTube channel operator Maker Studios for at least $500 million as the family entertainment giant aims to stay in front of younger audiences who are increasingly watching short videos online. The purchase will give Disney ownership of 55,000 channels - including Epic Rap Battles of History and makeup expert Amy Pham's The Fashion Statement. Combined, Maker has 380 million subscribers and generates 5.5 billion views per month.

Disney's lawyers said, "Porn stars, look out. Your content is gone. This is now a family place and we have no room for you."

Ok, I added that last part, of course. But it makes me wonder what might be in YouTube's future. Nothing good lasts forever, I guess.