The Moderators Thread

[stickyvicky]

That's all relative though Dave you may think it's rude to ask someone how much they make but some people were just not raised properly. I was on Bubba the Love Sponge's radio show and he asked me how much I make. I tried to be polite and just avoid the question, but he pressed on. I finally told him it's none of your business, why don't you tell everyone how much you make. He said OK I make $150K per year, now how much do you make? I still told him it was very impolite of him to ask and he finally gave up because it was getting ugly. This was on live public radio. I was really embarrassed!

Times have changed from when you and I grew up Dave, people don't have common courtesy and manners any more. They are not taught this as they are growing up. Parents don't teach it, and schools don't teach it. Then you have the added fact that this is porn. People think we are just whores, so they don't have to respect us or talk to us like we are human beings. You can say anything you want to a pornstar and it doesn't matter. Just like when I go to a convention and some tranny tries to stick her fingers up my vagina or some guy grabs my boob and squeezes till it hurts. OK I'm ranting now, and getting off subject, but you get what I mean. People are uneducated and just don't even know they are being rude sometimes.

So yes, we need to educate them. I don't think you are a nutcase at all, and I know your heart is as big as Texas, and stop worrying. I do think he should have inserted lol, or hehehe... so others would know he's not just being a disrespectful smartass.

Anyway, Dave wrote to him, we'll see what he says.

[carl goldfinger]

From Dave45, let's see what everyone thinks. I put my thoughts at the bottom.
This is the transcrept that I saved, hope it's enough.
Sem: Bobbi, btw, how much u get for a hardcore scene?
Sem: frankly please
Sem: we think of pornstars as they get a million $ for a scene, is that right?
4 AdminDave45: No Sem
Sem: so, how much??????????
Sem: 10 bucks per scene
2013.05.21 17:39:20] AdminDave45 whispers to Sem: SEM that's none of your busness
Sem: and a sandwish for free
Sem: Admin, why did you disable me???
BobbiEden: i didnt sem
Sem: not u
Sem: admin
[2013.05.21 17:45:57] AdminDave45 whispers to Sem: cause you was being a pain in the ass
Sem: u see Admin, Bobbi loves me ... do not repeat it yourself
Sem: nooooo ... not for me .. i am nice man
[2013.05.21 17:47:28] Sem whispers to AdminDave45: respect yourself and your clients
2013.05.21 17:47:37] AdminDave45 whispers to Sem: we play nice sem. push my buttons and I will kick you off
Sem: love uuuuu
Sem: bye carl
[2013.05.21 17:56:56] AdminDave45 whispers to Sem: you are working on srick 2
2013.05.21 17:58:18] Sem whispers to AdminDave45: what i am working on?
[2013.05.21 17:58:50] AdminDave45 whispers to Sem: gettig kicked out
[2013.05.21 17:59:37] Sem whispers to AdminDave45: Listen, respect yourself or i am going fuck hack your ass and site and give 1000s of passwords for free
2013.05.21 18:01:24] Sem whispers to AdminDave45: u understood what I said?
[2013.05.21 18:01:24] Sem whispers to AdminDave45: u understood what I said?
2013.05.21 18:02:11] Sem whispers to AdminDave45: Hey Zabor
[2013.05.21 18:02:22] Sem whispers to AdminDave45: ur dead?
dminDave45: nope just recording all this
Sem: great
Sem: do your best
Sem: please
AdminDave45: even got your IP # sem
Sem: greatSem: that would be amazing
em: guess where I am ????? ))))
AdminDave45: and talking to the boss now
Sem: greattttttttt
Sem: say hi pleaseem: ))))))))))))
Sem: if u ever make wrongs, u willl regret
Sem: ok baby
Sem: ?
Sem: how many IPs u like me to change in the next 2 minutes?
Sem: and what countries
Sem: ?
Sem has logged out (Banned by Speaker/Moderator)


I think you were maybe a little quick on the draw, I think he was trying to be funny. The part about $10 and a sandwich is kinda funny, the thing is it's hard to see someone's face or tone of voice, when they are saying something, so it's hard to know if they are trying to be funny, or disrespectful.

But then he totally went off on you. You are a mod and he should have respected you, so I still feel the same way. If he was smart he would have apologized and said, I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, I'm sorry if it came across that way. That would have been the right thing to do. But he did the opposite and threatened you. Someone threatening to hack my site and hand out free passwords is enough for me to ban him for life. That is a direct attack on me and on all of us.

Rokkerr or I will write to him and give him a chance to apologize. Anyone else want to share their thoughts?

+

In Bobbi's show I saw it escalating, as well. Sem was asking about feet every time.
I whispered Sem, that Bobbi has a little feet phobia & it is not a good idea to ask her for that.
I was kind to him.
My next whisper to him was about I introduce myself as Admin as well & told him that it isn't easy to find out what the girls are about this & that and he could ask the admin or me if he wasn't unsure.
He whispered a thank you.
Then he texted some funny comments in the chat & I thought everything was ok & he was put into the right direction.

Then I was off to bed & couldn't get the rest of his shit.

I think, the three step strategy is still ok.
1. Warnings in the chat & whispers + some tips how to behave here.
2. Gagging
3. Banning

But, if a member is obviosly offending a girl or attacking an Admin... or even worse, threatening the entire site or plan to do so, he shout be kicked out immediately!

Sem had enough chances to get in line...

Dave, I know very well how words can touch your heart like a bullet. Don't worry...
Sem's words are clearly without ambiguty... there was no misunderstanding.
You did it right, Dave!

just my opinion

Carl

[carl goldfinger]

That's all relative though Dave you may think it's rude to ask someone how much they make but some people were just not raised properly. I was on Bubba the Love Sponge's radio show and he asked me how much I make. I tried to be polite and just avoid the question, but he pressed on. I finally told him it's none of your business, why don't you tell everyone how much you make. He said OK I make $150K per year, now how much do you make? I still told him it was very impolite of him to ask and he finally gave up because it was getting ugly. This was on live public radio. I was really embarrassed!

Times have changed from when you and I grew up Dave, people don't have common courtesy and manners any more. They are not taught this as they are growing up. Parents don't teach it, and schools don't teach it. Then you have the added fact that this is porn. People think we are just whores, so they don't have to respect us or talk to us like we are human beings. You can say anything you want to a pornstar and it doesn't matter. Just like when I go to a convention and some tranny tries to stick her fingers up my vagina or some guy grabs my boob and squeezes till it hurts. OK I'm ranting now, and getting off subject, but you get what I mean. People are uneducated and just don't even know they are being rude sometimes.

So yes, we need to educate them. I don't think you are a nutcase at all, and I know your heart is as big as Texas, and stop worrying. I do think he should have inserted lol, or hehehe... so others would know he's not just being a disrespectful smartass.

Anyway, Dave wrote to him, we'll see what he says.

Oh my! Vicky...

If you want to educate them all you have to close your business & open up a school.
There is not enough time to take care of them.

I'm thinking about Sara's videos...how to behave when seeing and meeting an erotic star, on youtube.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a permanent thread: "How to behave at the VNA" and let the badman go through this lesson before letting him go back in here?

Yours

Carl

[BobbiEden]

I didnt know Sem was gagged in the beginning... I didnt thought he meant it wrong in the first place, thats why i ifnored him. When he came back i said i didnt do it.. And get over it, your back so have fun.

But i didnt know what happened after that.... I think in the future maybe the mods need to ask the girls if we want ithem to kick or gag etc....

Like muduuu i just dont like him,and he knows i dont like him. But he come in my chat i kicked him 3 times. And then i banned his ip. Thats it. I dont want him in my solo chat. If he is in the chat with puma and me, then i tolerate him, but for the rest i dont like him.

Sem was a little weird, but not in bad way. That why i ignored him when the 10$ thing etc...

Sorry dave i didnt k ow he was such an ass behind our backs. :-( your a good mod. :-)

[stickyvicky]

From reading it, i thought he was making fun of the porn industry not of bobbi. See she wasn't upset either. If he said it in my show, I would of probably come back with, "Throw in a $50 Golden Corral Gift Card and you got yourself a deal! Where do i sign?", lol... but that's just me. Or if was in a bad mood, I could have taken it the wrong way too, like I said it's so hard with text, no smileys, no lol, no hehehe... so it's hard to know how he meant it.

But once he saw that Dave was upset, he handled it wrong from there, instead of apologizing and smoothing things over, he attacked attacked Dave45 and the entire VNA.

[BobbiEden]

Yes i completely agree Vicky. :)

[stickyvicky]

Here is the answer from Sem this morning:

It is nice to hear that U care about your clients. I was talking normally with Bobbi and the guys and then suddenly I found myself muted!!! I asked him why? He answered in a very rude way. I told him please respect yourself and your members. And instead of saying something good, he said "try to whisper me again and U will be kicked out". And here we started the fight. Is that possible in ur opinion? How will we renew our membership?!!!
Thanks

So according to him, he doesn't even know why he was muted.

[carl goldfinger]

Here is a suggestion for the rules of a camshow:

Rules for the Show:
1.Be polite to ALL people here. (Use emoticons (smilies) so you won't be misunderstood, if you mean it funny or ironically)
2.No caps! Capital letters will be seen as rude. (You can choose a different text color to get more attention... just explore the cam system)
3.No orders! Polite requests are ok, we like words like "please" or "it would be nice..." ...etc...
4.No audio messages all over or while the girl is about to get to the climax.
5.Go on cam, the girl likes to see your cock :)
6.Enjoy the show & have fun !!!

It's a copy from the new VNA behavior thread for the newbies.
Feel free to use it from time to time during a show.



Carl

[BobbiEden]

Maybe mods need to communicate with the models before gagging, kicking etc :/)

[carl goldfinger]

Maybe mods need to communicate with the models before gagging, kicking etc :/)

That's a good hint, Bobbi.
But, most times it is not possible because the girls can't see what happens & the communication with the Mod would interupt the show.
Of course, if possible we Mods should do it.

[WalterB]

First, I totally agree with both Vicky and Bobbi. They both deal with boors every day, at the same time trying not to anger a member to the point where he quits. I also think Bobbi, along with Vicky, is a very intelligent person, and knows what she's doing. We, as moderators, have to first, be sure that we know what the model wants. I don't think there's a problem with whispering to someone that we feel is leaning to the wrong side, but we have to be nice in the process. But, if he seems to be pushing it, I don't think it's a bad idea to whisper to the model "Is this guy bothering you"? Do you want me to mute him or ask him to play nice?"

I love you, Dave, I know for fact that you have good heart. You are my friend. But I have to say, maybe you were a bit harsh in your first whisper to him. Then, after his admittedly harsh response, you got harsher back to him. And then, like Vicky said, instead of him responding by asking what he did wrong, and accepting your answer, he got even harsher. It's pretty easy for something to escalate when, as Vicky says, only words are involved. We may have a totally innocent meaning, but without the vocal inflections and facial expressions of a personal contact, it is easy to misunderstand and get defensive.

I would like to think that if I do or say something out of line that any of you could come here and tell me so, and that I could take the criticism and learn from it. I am far from perfect, and have a tendency to respond harshly. Ever since I retired I have felt better and better about life, and hope that I am learning every day.

But here is what I get from Vicky and Bobbi. We need to keep people in line while at the same time being nice to them. This isn't easy, but it's necessary. We need to not say things in a way that might cause them to take it wrong. So, maybe we need to think about what we want to say before we say it - double-check our words, as it were. "I just wanted to remind you that we respect the ladies here. I'm sure you meant no harm, but please watch your words," instead of "Ask that again and I will mute you."

As suggested by Bobbi, if someone pushes it, ask the model how she feels. I'm glad that Vicky started this thread, so we have a place to express our thoughts and ask our questions.

[WalterB]

Not sure what you mean there, Carl except for two situations I can think of. You said "most times it is not possible because the girls can't see what happens." The model is talking to us and should see the chat. But then I remembered that, sometimes, the model is "doing her thing," and does NOT see the chat.

But I still maintain that we, as moderators, DO need to be nice, be hesitant, and give the "perp" the benefit of the doubt. In Bobbi's show, I really thought that Kees was getting out of line - being pretty harsh and rude. But, then I noticed that Bobbi was laughing, and others were responding back to him. I still had a bit of a hard time handling it in my mind, but could see that he was just being humorously sarcastic. He meant it all in great fun, and it would have been wrong for me to say something to him, based on his first comment. Once I caught on, I tried to jump in and make a couple irreverent comments back to him. You all know that I am generally irreverent. And I can see how some of my comments could easily be taken wrong by someone. Believe me, there are comments I have started to post that I realize, "Wait a minute. I think that's funny, but would someone else agree? I can see where that could be taken another way. So I won't say it."

I also stand by my thoughts that, if there is a Moderator logged in, that the membership or other Mods should not be whispering to someone they think is out of line. Instead, you should be whispering to the online Mod. We do not want two different people jumping on someone and likely saying two different things. Please let the online Mod handle it. If there are concerns on how something was handled, whisper to the Mod and voice your thoughts. Then, after the show, if you still have questions, come here and voice that concern. This is the way we all learn how to be better VNA mods.

[carl goldfinger]

First, I totally agree with both Vicky and Bobbi. They both deal with boors every day, at the same time trying not to anger a member to the point where he quits. I also think Bobbi, along with Vicky, is a very intelligent person, and knows what she's doing. We, as moderators, have to first, be sure that we know what the model wants. I don't think there's a problem with whispering to someone that we feel is leaning to the wrong side, but we have to be nice in the process. But, if he seems to be pushing it, I don't think it's a bad idea to whisper to the model "Is this guy bothering you"? Do you want me to mute him or ask him to play nice?"

I love you, Dave, I know for fact that you have good heart. You are my friend. But I have to say, maybe you were a bit harsh in your first whisper to him. Then, after his admittedly harsh response, you got harsher back to him. And then, like Vicky said, instead of him responding by asking what he did wrong, and accepting your answer, he got even harsher. It's pretty easy for something to escalate when, as Vicky says, only words are involved. We may have a totally innocent meaning, but without the vocal inflections and facial expressions of a personal contact, it is easy to misunderstand and get defensive.

I would like to think that if I do or say something out of line that any of you could come here and tell me so, and that I could take the criticism and learn from it. I am far from perfect, and have a tendency to respond harshly. Ever since I retired I have felt better and better about life, and hope that I am learning every day.

But here is what I get from Vicky and Bobbi. We need to keep people in line while at the same time being nice to them. This isn't easy, but it's necessary. We need to not say things in a way that might cause them to take it wrong. So, maybe we need to think about what we want to say before we say it - double-check our words, as it were. "I just wanted to remind you that we respect the ladies here. I'm sure you meant no harm, but please watch your words," instead of "Ask that again and I will mute you."

As suggested by Bobbi, if someone pushes it, ask the model how she feels. I'm glad that Vicky started this thread, so we have a place to express our thoughts and ask our questions.

Oh my! Yes Walt, we admins have to adjust our etiquette as well.
I've copyed your words into my admin resource file. Sounds very good.

& Everyone has a different boiling point & its not easy to dicide when to open the steam off ventile or let it explode.
This thread is a good way to adjust the correct temperature.
We all have to learn & get more experience.



Carl

[WalterB]

Thank you, Carl. You're absolutely right. It's a learning process for all of us. We NEVER want to get to the level of the CAMZ mods (sink to the level?? lol)

That's why I'm thankful to Vicky for starting this thread - so we have a place to exchange ideas and learn.

[carl goldfinger]

Not sure what you mean there, Carl except for two situations I can think of. You said "most times it is not possible because the girls can't see what happens." The model is talking to us and should see the chat. But then I remembered that, sometimes, the model is "doing her thing," and does NOT see the chat.

But I still maintain that we, as moderators, DO need to be nice, be hesitant, and give the "perp" the benefit of the doubt. In Bobbi's show, I really thought that Kees was getting out of line - being pretty harsh and rude. But, then I noticed that Bobbi was laughing, and others were responding back to him. I still had a bit of a hard time handling it in my mind, but could see that he was just being humorously sarcastic. He meant it all in great fun, and it would have been wrong for me to say something to him, based on his first comment. Once I caught on, I tried to jump in and make a couple irreverent comments back to him. You all know that I am generally irreverent. And I can see how some of my comments could easily be taken wrong by someone. Believe me, there are comments I have started to post that I realize, "Wait a minute. I think that's funny, but would someone else agree? I can see where that could be taken another way. So I won't say it."

I also stand by my thoughts that, if there is a Moderator logged in, that the membership or other Mods should not be whispering to someone they think is out of line. Instead, you should be whispering to the online Mod. We do not want two different people jumping on someone and likely saying two different things. Please let the online Mod handle it. If there are concerns on how something was handled, whisper to the Mod and voice your thoughts. Then, after the show, if you still have questions, come here and voice that concern. This is the way we all learn how to be better VNA mods.

Ah yes, Kees has a special kind of humor (I like it), but I've got it quickly & was amazed about it.
Then, my next thought was: Dammit! Kees sounds offending (in an ironical, funny way) but what will the other members think about it?
What if they don't get the ironical meaning & start to be offending the same way, as well & get gagged or banned?
Very difficult...
I, for myself, wrote many comments... then after thinking about 3 seconds while reading the chat, took it back & deletd it, because it didn't fit into the flow of the show anymore or could be misunderstud.

I agree with you Walt, there should be only one Mod in a show.
It was my mistake not to do so and even worse , not to inform Dave about my whispering to Sem.
It was in the heat of the action... & I wanted to support Dave.
Sorry for that, Dave
I'll keep it in mind and whisper to the Admin if I find something is going to be wrong...like I did it already several times.
Do you remember, Dave?



Carl

[dave45]

Yes. I did drop he hammer a little quick after he started getting under my skin. I will do my best to back off and ask questions of the model and the person bothering me. I know what I find funny is not the same as what others find funny so that's where I have to start loosening up. I never really thought about what Vicky said about kids being raised defferent than the way I was,until now. I raised our kids the same way I was, so I tend to think that's the was every one is.
I have also been thinking about being a "New Member", and having to learn the ropes. It's been a long time for me, almost 5 years. I guess it's time I returned the favor to the newer members.
This last 18 hours has left me with a lot of things to think about. I also need to think more about my actions when someone say's something I find iratating. I'll do my best to loosen up and ask more questions from now on.
Vicky let Sem back in I'll give him another try if you think he was cencear in his e-mail.


Dave

[dave45]

Yes Carl I remember. You have done it several times. Thank you my friend


Dave

[BobbiEden]

I think every show and every model is different,
In my chat its pretty sarcastic but i like it. Im not offended quick. Kees is for example a really nice dude and pretty funny. He doesnt mean anything harm and i start to annoy him most of the time. Good thing to remember too in my show i have menbers that also visit my daily dutch camshows. So maybe they are quite new to the VNA i know them for years most likely.
I think it depends also who is saying what and if that person is brand new to me or is it a person who try to communicate a few times and did show respect first:-)
In all cases i think mods should be asking the model first. If dit example kees is being sarcastic in my chat and i dont mind, then other members should not be offended brcause they dont know the relationship between the model and member.
So what are the toughts about this???

[BobbiEden]

Btw im not upset with Dave at all. :-) love him hihihi

[BobbiEden]

Btw me and carl have also a funny relationship we both take jokes and sarcastic jokes easy:-) he is my Fisherman :-)