Joke Thread

[ErikB]

phpBB [media]

[Davest]

Just heard this one.

Q: What do a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman, and a frozen beer have in common.

A: Someone forgot to pull it out.

[onegreengoat]

[lance_s]

Thieves robbing a cheque cashing business were left stranded when someone stole their getaway car while they were inside robbing the business.


https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/cr ... r-AA1lCO6p

[Davest]

[WalterB]

Happy Christmas Adam, Davest,

[lance_s]

I like to have everything done by Christmas Adam so that I can enjoy Christmas Eve.

[lance_s]

Involuntary Muscle Contraction

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably out fishing with his mates!'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

[WalterB]

I stopped at a bar yesterday. There were three plus-sized women sitting at the bar chatting. They sounded Scottish. So I walked up to them and said, "Afternoon, lassies. Be ye from Scotland, maybe?"

One of the4m took great umbrage. "It's Wales, you idiot! It's WALES!"

Well, obviously I offended them, so I apologized. "Please, I'm really sorry. What part of Scotland are you whales from?

Doctor says I can probably go home day after tomorrow.

[WalterB]

I'm not old yet, but for some reason, some of my favorite songs seem to be changing.
.

[stickyvicky]

[lance_s]

I'm not old yet, but for some reason, some of my favorite songs seem to be changing.
.
New Songs.jpg

Good one

[stickyvicky]

The band Winger had a song that went something like she's only 17 but she's old enough for me, boy things have changed over the past 30/40 years or so... lol... now they still sing this song in concert, but they say she's 53 but she's young enough for me...... hahahaha...

[lance_s]

The band Winger had a song that went something like she's only 17 but she's old enough for me, boy things have changed over the past 30/40 years or so... lol... now they still sing this song in concert, but they say she's 53 but she's young enough for me...... hahahaha...

Maybe the lyrics should go "she's 53 but not too old for me.."?

[stickyvicky]

That's exactly what it says, sorry that was a typo!

[WalterB]

I like "young enough" better. Not sure what that has to do with anything.

[lance_s]

I like "young enough" better. Not sure what that has to do with anything.

"She's unknown vintage but still a fine wine..."

[ErikB]

Someone posted this comment to Brewster Rockit on GoComics:

I was told not to sweat the petty things.

Or was it not to pet the sweaty things?

[Davest]

I like "young enough" better. Not sure what that has to do with anything.

"She's unknown vintage but still a fine wine..."

Reminds me of an old Jeff Dunham joke. 'Some women age like fine wine. My wife ages like milk.'

[lance_s]

I like "young enough" better. Not sure what that has to do with anything.

"She's unknown vintage but still a fine wine..."

Reminds me of an old Jeff Dunham joke. 'Some women age like fine wine. My wife ages like milk.'

Good one. I'll have to remember that!