Joke Thread

[Alydar$$]

Props to Flossy on FetLife: I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person! All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist

[Alydar$$]

Follow up to previous post: I like his work, but I prefer that of his less well-known brother Frank.

[ErikB]

Props to Flossy on FetLife: I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person! All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist

Nice!!

Follow up to previous post: I like his work, but I prefer that of his less well-known brother Frank.

Except that Frank is NOT a real person. And I would argue that his work is just as famous as Albert's, even if people tend to conflate the creation with the creator.

[ErikB]

The medical dark-humor site I read, called Johnny Optimism, posted this:

Eyes___Newborn_Baby_1.jpg (63.8 KiB) Viewed 93 times

To which someone replied:

That'll teach her to roll her eyes at him!



The general website is:

https://johnnyoptimism.blogspot.com/

[Davest]

A teacher was talking to her class and decided to try a little experiment in building self-esteem. "If any of you think you're stupid, please stand up." After a few seconds she is surprised when little Johnny stands up. "Do you really think you're stupid?" she asks. "No," he replies, "but I didn't want to leave you standing there all alone."

[ErikB]

[Davest]

A husband and wife are very happy and have sexy time quite often. To the wife's dismay, the husband always insists on doing it with the lights out. After a while she gets tired of fucking in the dark and one night she surprises him by suddenly turning the lights on. To her amazement, the husband is there, fully clothed, holding a huge dildo. "How the hell can you explain this?" she asks. He replies, "I'll explain this when you explain the kids!"

[Alydar$$]

Another from Flossy on FetLife:

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking - it’s going to be a massive change for me. I’ve been with that doctor for 15 years

[WalterB]

I found a doctor that said that an ounce of wine a day would add a month or so to my life.

So far, I'm ahead 23 years, 4-1/2 months.

[WalterB]

One thing about getting older is that your belief systems change. I used to take life as it came along. But, as my time gets shorter, I find myself believing more and more in the Hereafter. I mean, I don’t have a lot of time to waste.

So, if you’re not here after what I’m here after, then you’ll be here after I’m gone.

[rokkerr]

[lance_s]

One thing about getting older is that your belief systems change. I used to take life as it came along. But, as my time gets shorter, I find myself believing more and more in the Hereafter. I mean, I don’t have a lot of time to waste.

So, if you’re not here after what I’m here after, then you’ll be here after I’m gone.

Unless you get to the hereafter first.

[Davest]

On oldie but a goodie.

A woman feels like she needs something new in her personal fun time, so she visits a sex shop.
The salesman smiles and says, "Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale."
"What? There's no such thing," she replied.
"No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'"
A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom.
A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!"
She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store.
On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo.
Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red light. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop.
After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story, explaining about the magic dildo and the sex shop.
The cop says, "Yeah, right. Magic dildo my ass."

[onegreengoat]

So I've been hooking up with a set of twins.

My friend asked me, "So, how do you tell them apart?"

I said, "It's easy. Sally paints her nails purple and the other one is named Mark and he has a penis."

[rokkerr]

So I've been hooking up with a set of twins.

My friend asked me, "So, how do you tell them apart?"

I said, "It's easy. Sally paints her nails purple and the other one is named Mark and he has a penis."

[Alydar$$]

From We Got The Chocolates:
1. What’s the difference between a chickpea and a red kidney bean? I have never had a red kidney bean on my face….

2. I am excited about the amateur autopsy club I joined. Tuesday is open Mike night….

[lance_s]

From We Got The Chocolates:
1. What’s the difference between a chickpea and a red kidney bean? I have never had a red kidney bean on my face….

2. I am excited about the amateur autopsy club I joined. Tuesday is open Mike night….

*** groan *** ~smile

[Davest]

What did one lesbian pirate say to the other lesbian pirate?

"Scissor me timbers!"

[Davest]

Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells?

Because she grew out of her B-Shells.

[WalterB]

Did you know, Davest? Also, she sells sea shells by the seashore.