Have you ever heard a more ridiculous reason for not masturbating?

[Matty77]

Hello again,

This reason of mine has to be up there as one of the most ridiculous.

I'm a single, lonely male who has lived alone almost all my adult life.

Therefore there is ample opportunity to engage in self love whenever I want.

But I don't - and one reason why is this:

I'd hate to have to decline an offer that may come out of the blue in the form of a random stranger coming to my door one day offering sex because "I'm sorry I just came, could you come back in a few hours"

;-)

[WalterB]

And how often do you think that will happen, Matty? I used to kind of think of the same thing. But, stop and think. What are the chances that some random woman is going to come knock on your door? Then, what are the chances she's going to say, "I'm going to fuck you."

If you're going out on a date, or going club-hopping? For sure, leave it alone. But once you get home (alone,) Git 'er Done. Do you really want to be 50 and start thinking of all the hot orgasms you missed? I mean, evan a solo orgasm is better than NO orgasm.

And, take it from someone who has been there. There will come a day when you won't be ABLE to find a hot young babe who wants to jump an old farts bones. And, if you can't get it up anymore? You still have fingers and hands and your tongue, don't you? There's more than one way to skin a cat, and there's more than one way to put a pretty big smile on a pretty girls face.

I say, come to some cam shows, and get with it NOW - before you forget how, lol.

[LizLemon85]

So, you're saying that, there is no real chance that a hot woman will come to my door to offer sex, Walt? Damn, so much for my weekend plans.
No, seriously, is that part of your fetish Matty? So is it actually pleasant to abstain?

[WalterB]

Sorry to be the big boo-hoo, Liz, Your chances might be a bit better than Matty's or mine.

[Matty77]

haha thanks for the replies.

No - I don't seriously think that my wishful thinking fantasy will happen. However...that being said....the thought does pop into my head from time to time as a - as I said "ridiculous" fantasy that I do think of from time to time.

Liz - do I enjoy abstaining.....yes and no....I'm not really bothered by not having sex for years and years but I would appreciate it if I were able to enjoy some time with a woman.

I think my mind is addled with too many erotic literature fiction stories.

[WalterB]

I remember those days, Matty. But now I'm thankful for computers and social media, lol.

[UncleDave]

Scoff if you want but if porn has taught me anything it's that a beautiful woman might come to the door at any minute and then it turns to sex. Her car might have broken down, selling cookies or magazines, could be the next door neighbor needing to borrow something or hell if in an apartment she might be stuck in the dryer.

I've seen those videos, it happens.

[Matty77]

Yeah well UncleDave I'm still waiting for my Auntie and Step Mother to want to teach me the finer ways about hand jobs.

[LizLemon85]

Tell me about it. When I told the pizza delivery girl that I don't have enough money to pay her, she just got very angry and left.
Then, I told the landlady "I can't pay the rent this month, but I'm sure we can figure out something." and I got evicted.
So disappointing.

[UncleDave]

I was pulled over by 2 female cops and thought "Alright, here we go"

There was another time I took a taxi ride....

[Matty77]

And oh boy, when I why went to buy my first home I don't understand why I never got the full tour of the bedroom by the estate agent.

Something tells me that maybe I've been lied to by these film scenes? Could it be so?

[WalterB]

I've been there.
Took a taxi ride once, female driver. I asked, "Will you take me to my place?" She took my money and threw me out.
So I went inside and ordered a pizza. Female delivery driver took my money and left. When I opened the box, 3 pieces had bites missing.
Went to the job center to look for work. Female agent looked at me, shook her head and said, "There's no hope for you."
Took a flight to Tampa. Cute Stewardess. I winked at her as I boarded. She made me finish the flight sitting in the toilet.
Needed to sell my nice used car. Cute girl showed up. I said, "Want to come inside and negotiate?" She looked at me and said, "Pay me $1,000 and I'll take it off your hands."

So I went and had prostate surgery. Might as well, I ain't using the dang thing anyway,

[Matty77]

You do realise this could easily be a great script for an off the wall non porn porn film...all the standard stereotypes happen..but nothing happens..over and over until the male goes home and just jacks off to some old fashioned porn.

[stickyvicky]

How did I miss this thread?

[UncleDave]

Well because you originally missed this post I think you'll need to be my tutor and reward me when I get the right answer or punish me when I get it wrong. Lol

As a Realtor, I'm still waiting to show a house to a hot lady who wants to try out the hot tub.

[LizLemon85]

I just did some laundry. I was very scared but despite my concerns, I didn't get stuck in the washing machine. Didn't use the dryer though, I didn't dare push my luck too far.

[WalterB]

That's good Liz. We all know what happens to a pretty lady who gets her head stuck in the washer, don't we?

[UncleDave]

Liz
Just make sure you don't try to make the bed, reach for something under the bed, climb under a table or try to crawl through an open window

[Matty77]

I do have to say what crazy mind thought up the scenarios about "Hey Stepbrother I'm stuck in the dryer, can you help me out"....at least pizza delivery guy makes a little more sense in some way....