A query about a fetish issue - might be a sensitive topic, I don't know

[Matty77]

Hey folks,

I have a particular fetish or sexual interest that is enjoyable for me that I feel has become a part of who I am through my upbringing in terms of a religious lifestyle that didn't permit masturbation in my youth.

The thing is - I am concerned sometimes that maybe it's not exactly a totally acceptable fetish in the eyes of some, but not all.

We have a bdsm 'house' in my town which provides legal access to such fetishes through dominatrixes and such. I've actually spent some time (and money) with them - a couple of dommes who roleplayed out this fetish for me, which is actually on their roster as part of their normal activities.

The fetish is one of being threatened with castration for failing various sexual tests and challenges - although no actual harm or injuries are ever actually performed or desired, naturally. So I've actually enjoyed a session where two dommes tied me up, and threatened me with dismemberment and such. It was one of the best sessions I've ever experienced. (And no orgasms were involved either).

So - at these bdsm places, it's quite a common activity on the roster to engage with one or more of the mistresses.

However the difficulty I find is that - while I can enjoy the simulated or mock versions of such, over the years I've seen a tiny handful of pornographic videos where the male actor's performance seemed a little too realistically frightened and pained to know whether it was just all part of the act or where something horribly wrong actually occurred. I don't like these. And in fact - the few videos over the years I've seen where it seemed a little too real have scared the bejeesus out of me about porn sometimes - and the nature of what may or may not go on off camera.

I guess since about 2015 I've been haunted by the possibility that sometimes, the men in porn films don't always 'have a nice time' so to speak off camera - to put it mildly.

I have no idea how to address this haunted feeling I get - even a video where a man is given a handjob but you don't see his face, or hands, or upper torso leaves me questioning at times - has something dark happened off camera that we're not shown.

That's one of the reasons these days why I only watch videos where there are solo female performers, or multiple female performers and no males involved - I have this unnerving fear that potentially something could have happened out of sight of the camera that we're not told about or shown.

Do you have any thoughts on this issue?

[SamanthaGrace]

I totally understand this POV. As someone who has extensive fetish experience and I also was a domme that set up sessions at my dungeon space. I worked in dungeons in many cities in the world. I know personally some domme are like me. I always made it clear I am a sensual domme. But I have encountered the dark side of male and female tops. I do not mean this to scare you. But as a point of empathy. Like you, I've seen some femdom videos where I question how consensual the act was. A few of those have been found on Twitter and kind of traumatized me. I cannot get the scary parts of the video out of my mind. So, I get it.

I think it's good you made rules for yourself in what you are willing to subject your mind to. I've done the same myself. It's making personal boundaries. I think being on VNA is a good start for moral and ethical adult material. You know what you view here is, fun and sensual. There are certain rules here. While searching around the web, you never know what you can find. Some of it is straight up scary stuff.

I also, once in a while am contacted by men wanting me to castrate them. I know for a fact 2 f them were very serious. They didn't want it as a fantasy. One of them was someone dealing with their transexual desires and wanted me to castrate them when they started taking hormones. I wish I were making this up. But it's something that really bothered me. I would never do that to someone. Because while I enjoy BDSM and fetish themes. I am someone who comes from the sensual and love side of it. I do not want to ever actually hurt someone. I've met people in the scene however, who aren't so loving towards other humans.

[Matty77]

Thanks Samantha, that is helpful.