Walts Travelogue

[WalterB]

I know we all have travel-related horror stories. So let's hear yours. I'll start it off.

[WalterB]

Trip to Denver: So, my son says, "Why don't you come up to visit?" Sounded like fun, so I made my plans. He works 3 - 11 pm and is off Sunday and Monday. So he said I should get there before maybe 1pm Saturday or Sunday morning. Being anxoius to see him, I opted for around 10 or 11 Sat morning.

It's an 11 hour drive, so I thought I'd go to sleep around 3 pm, wake up at 10 and hit the road. So I took Mothers Little Helper to help me get to sleep at 4 PM. Well, that, of course, immediately put me in OWL mode (OO). So, after an hour of lying there wide awake, I decided a change of plan was necessary. I love to camp out, so I thought, "Hey, there's a KOA (Kampgrounds Of America) in Raton" (North New Mexico, right at the Colorado border and 3-1/2 hrs from Denver.) So, I quick rounded up my camping gear, packed the car and hit the road.

Now, anyone who has ever traveled further than across the street knows that, if you wait til the last second to pack, you're gonna pack all of your insignificant stuff (your toenail clippers, your potato chips, your cute li'l pencil-beam flashlight,) and you will forget the things you really need (your clean underwear, your glasses, your toothbrush,etc.)

(Sidebar: I drove to Oklahoma once to see my sister and forgot my entire SUITCASE!!!! How the HELL do you forget your entire freakin' suitcase? My Brother-in-law had to take me to Wal-Mart to buy an entire new wardrobe. )

So, off I go, fat, dumb and happy. I got my tent, my sleeping bag, my air mattress and my suitcase. Raton is maybe 7 hours, so I had plenty of time to relax, blissfully stupid. Raton is at 6700 ft altitude, a bit higher than El Pasos' 4000'. With altitude comes cooler temperatures. Of course, why should I know that? Where's a 13 year old science whiz when you need one?

So I get to Raton about 11 PM and check in. Man, it's cold here. Didn't expect this. That's OK, brought my heavy shirtjacket. My travel tent is a small 2-person deal, so it goes up no problem. Well, it's been a year since I used it, so I had to relearn how to do it (in the dark,of course.) But, it still went up rather quickly. B-R-R-R-R-R it's cold here.

Next comes the air mattress. Pull it out, now, where's that air pump. Let's see. Not here. Look on the other side of the trunk. Not here. Where the hell is it? Not over here. Finally, Aw,CRAP! Forgot the damn air pump. Great! I LOVE sleeping on the cold hard ground. Well, no other choice, so unroll my sleeping bag and quick inside it. B-R-R-R-R-R-R.

Well, sleeping on the cold hard ground is not the fun it sounds like. At least it was a grassy area and not a rock field (you missed one, God.) I was able to sleep a whole hour at a time before waking up to try and find another comfortable position. Dang, it feels even colder. How the hell did Dan'l Boone do this?

If you ever have to get up at 3 AM to pee, you need to try it out in the open in 45 deg. temps. Aw, MANNNNNNNNN! Bull shit! No one is looking and there's a really nice tree right over there versus the bathrooms that are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy over there! Not a hard choice. I know that, "where Bambi goes, nothing grows," but I figure, hell, it's aTREE! Dogs pee on 'em, fer crissakes. So, quick out of the tent, over to the tree, unzip, download, quick zip up OOPS! Not TOO quick! Like ta caught something, there. Back in the tent, back in the bag BRRRRRRRRR!!!

More sleep (?), all the way to 5 AM. Well, this ain't working - may as well get up. Grab toiletries, towel, clean shorts and head for the bathroom. MAN,it's cold up here (dreams of 90 deg. El Paso dancing playfully thru my brain (or lack thereof.)) Bathroom heated? Oh HELL, no. On the way over, I'm looking at all the Winnies, etc (Winnebagos,) and thinking,"Them poor slobs, all warm and toasty in their dang turtle shells, really ROUGHING IT!" Davy Crockett MUST have had it better.

I'm sorry, ain't NO WAY I'm getting nekkid and wet at 45 degrees! Sorry, Son, you're gonna have to deal with StinkyDad for awhile. Quick tooth brush and back to the tent. MAN, it's cold. I ain't wasting time packing this sumbitch in THIS weather. Throw suitcase in the trunk, roll up sleeping bag, tear down tent and cram it into trunk and get that engine running!! AHHHHHHHHHH Heat! Merciful HEAT! How the hell did freakin' Dan'l Boone do this shit? And, this is SUMMER! Raton is right on the Santa Fe Trail, where it came thru Raton Pass. Damn pioneers must have built fires in their wagons, fer crissakes.

So, ate breakfast and on to Denver. Rest of the trip was uneventful, except for an outstanding visit with my son, whom I hadn't seen in 3 years. Trip home uneventful as well (what's up with that, God?) Coming home, I left about 9 am, so it was easy to drive the whole trip. Son is moving to a new apartment on the 1st, so good ole Dad says, "Hey, I'll come back up and help you!" "Gee, that'd be great, Dad."

Why don't I ever learn? Stay tuned for Chapter 2 - The Move.

[Hornydevil]

Flying back from my.....4th or 5th time in Afghan i boarded the plane at Kandahar, settled into my seat and relaxed knowing that in 9 hours i'd be back in UK.

The captain comes over the tannoy "Ladies and gents, unfortunately the plane has gone U/S" (British military speak for broken. U/S - Unserviceable)

so we all disembarked very very annoyed, grabbed me backs and my rifle from the hold and BOOM, a mortar lands other end of runway. No one was hurt but there was a rather large hole in the runway.

The engineers fixed it but i had to spend another 3 days in Afghan lol

[WalterB]

LOL, The pilots need to be smart, cause I'm betting there wasn't a soldies on the plane who wasn't saying, "Fuck the mortars. Let's get the hell OUTTA HERE!!!"

[h0rnytoad1]

Walt, thats some adventure!

3hrs of sleep and freakin cold all the way, damn, and i thought polar bears were tough !

and HD, like my uncle emile used to say: "see, god was watching over you HD", that mortar was heading your way no matter what, and if the plane was taxiing on the runway at that time, you would've surelly caught it on the nose of the plane. Then were would we be ? Un petit mal pour un grand bien.

[st1fler]

haha nice story walt, aw come on 45 isn't that cold :) and holy crap HD lol

I don't have any cool traveling stories, I've been to Mauii like 6 or 7 times and Mexico twice but nothing really interesting about them. Although I almost got lost in Mexico in like the forest, jungle whatever you want to call it. We went on an ATV thing with tour guides and on the way to our destination there was a fork in the road, you could go either way cuz they meet up on the other side. We went home the same way and I was in the back of the group besides 1 tour guide way behind me to make sure nobody went the wrong way (thank god). Well I saw a fork in the road and I decided to be different and go left instead of everyone who went right, I figured it would meet up on the other side, just like the one on the way there. I struck water about 50 yards down. I was soooooo fucking scared that I would be stuck there and nobody would find me LOL luckily like 30 seconds later the guide came down and got me lol.

This was when I was like 13 or 14 probably

[h0rnytoad1]

we often used to vacation in wildwood when i was younger, with the family. i'm talking like way back in late 80's early 90's.

Wildwood, Atlantic City, Cape may, New jersey, 9 hours in a car a trailer (one of them put up tent, oh we was fancy class), packed with everything but the kitchen sink, how did we do it?

The boardwalk, the salt water toffee/taffee, the numerous t-shirt shops,

Thats where i got my hand made Trek T-shirt, oh yeah ! (now its "very battle damaged" lol), i brough in the comic book to a shop on the boardwalk and the guy painted it on a white tshirt, twas a thing of beauty!

The tram car , and of course, my all time favorite thing to eat, funnel cake !

Never seen anything like it, the 1st time, it was probly back in 83-ish with my cousin Patrick, we had taken him with us, oh we were inseparable, like brothers. This big plate with a long doughy mess coming out of a funnel and confectionate sugar, i didn't know what to make of it, but i tried it, oh man, it tasted like fried donuts! mmm donuts (not good for your hips tho, lol)

And thats when i saw my very 1st transformer : Shockwave. We bought 2 , it transforms into a gun. (and you play with his peepee to shoot! )



i was not aware of transformers in Asia at the time, so when they came to the U.S./Canada on TV, well you can imagine how it was a big discovery to see my lil toy on tv.

Ok so since this thread is all about travel stories, em, kids these days, they have all these fancy gadgets in the car, like ipods, TV screens in the seats, the internet, All we had to make due with was casettes and roadtrip/coloring books and games. Oh and talking to each other. ok so it wasn't all bad, lol

Gosh this makes me realise i haven't taken a vacation in littereally forever !

Well, gonna have to do something about that.

[Vanessa]

When I was 20 and Julie was 19 we were going to go for a ski trip to Aspen. Both of us wanted to go so bad, we left late and stopped to sleep just before the border, well we partied most of the night. Next morning we were almost at the border, and she says we should drink these 6 beers before we cross. We stop on a side road and each have 3 beers and she finds 2 joints so we smoke those. We get to the border and she opens her window and he asks a few questions. He looks at her and says park your car over there. We sit there as they search the car, I mean they tear it down, we just watch. After about 2 hours they say turn around, Julie says why you didn't find fuck all. I pushed her in the car and we went back to the Canadian side. We got searched again and were interviewed, it took so long to be on our way. She says lets go skiing in Panarama and we go that way. I asked her if she knew the way and of course she does. Later were lost and not sure what way to go, we find a gas station and we were close. We were almost in Invimere B.C. and the car starts making strange noises and there's red lights on the dash. We made it into town and next day were at a service station asking whats wrong he says we blew the motor. He tells us to fix it was going to be over $3000, Julie says a couple of blow jobs won't help will it. He says sure but it won't change the cost of fixing the car. Julie sells the car to him for $400: $350 for the sterio and $50 for the rest. So we have all our stuff and I told her we're phoning Greyhound to see how much it costs to get home. We got the tickets and didn't have enough to get a hotel for the night. We slept in the entrance way to a bank machine, got on the bus in the morning. It took us 18 hours to get home we laugh at it now but I was so pissed at the time. Julie's attitude the whole time was "what an adventure" and never stopped smiling.

[WalterB]

Gee, not the best of ideas to drink beer and smoke just before going thru a Border Patrol Checkpoint, ladies (guess you know that now, huh? Teehee.) Keep in mind, the smell on your breath will last awhile. If you smoke inside, the smell stays there. You won't smell it, but they will. We're surrounded by BP Checkpoints here. You can't leave El Paso without passing thru one (ask Vicky and Rokkerr, teehee. They'll probably never come this way again ) I always open all windows for a mile or two before i get there, then close all but the drivers window before I pull up. Been lucky so far.

[John_fromNY]

I know we all have travel-related horror stories. So let's hear yours. I'll start it off.

No bad trips for me. Sorry.



Hey which Out of Towners movie was better?

The one with Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis? Or the one with Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn?

Me? I'd give it to whistling and toothless, Jack Lemmon!!!

Though I do love Planes, Trains. and Automobiles with Steve Martin and John Candy.

That was a real classic!!

[hotjulie]

Walt that's so much much fun freezing your ass camping!

[WalterB]

I want to post about my trip to LA and to Erotica LA, but can't stay on-line long. It acts like my battery is dying - well, my laptops. I hope mine has another 20 years left. So, when I get home next week (maybe Wed.,) I'll post about "the move" with my son, and my trip to LA.

(Man, I just can't wipe this satisfied grin off my face )

[h0rnytoad1]

that's awesome Walt, dang wish i was there myself. you guys are too much fun !

[WalterB]

(Damn! This got long! Hope you can deal with it.) Hey, all. Been really busy since I got back. I took the long way home to look up an old friend in the desert near Laughlin, Nevada,, then drove straight thru to home. Was gonna leave LA on Monday, but decided to leave Sunday morning instead. Left the LA area at 10:30 A.M. Sunday morning and got here at 5:30 Monday morning (938 miles. Was 868 miles out by the direct route.)

First off I so want to thank Benny and Christine for treating ThisOldSlob like a king. They bought me dinner Fri nite, drove to Erotica LA and paid my entrance. This was my first time to meet them and, simply put, you couldn't ask for a nicer couple. We had great fun together. I owe them big-time, and am all ready looking forward to October and Adultcon.

The trip out went as expected for TheOldForgetfulFart. I am tired of forgetting crap when I travel, so I had an old small dry-eraser board that I put next to my rear door. Then, as I thought of stuff, I would go put it on the board. Great idea, huh? I thought so, too.

So, Thursday morning, I got up at 4, made my coffee as I packed the car, and by 5 AM I was ready to go. Once past Las Cruces and westbound on I-10, I felt I was finally on the way. Cruise control on 65, hot coffee, a warm burrito waiting to be devoured and my favorite oldies tape in the stereo (yes, TheOldGuy still plays cassette tapes. ) Ninety miles from home, the first shoe dropped.

Awwwww, MANNNNN!! CRAP! I forgot my freakin' maps! I spent time finding Benny's place and the KOA (Kampgrounds of America) on GoogleEarth, printed some pages out, and detailed my trip, so I wouldn't get lost. (No GPS in TheOldGuys ride. He's too cheap.) Aw, rats!! I looked thru all the crap on the front seat, looked over my shoulder into the back seat, and felt thru all the crap there. No freakin' maps. Oh, well, I ain't going back 90 miles to get them. I'll just have to pray for rain or something.

I had planned to overnite in Blythe, Ca, about 610 miles from El Paso. I have two tents, a small one for when I stay overnite, and a larger 6-man tent for when I stay somewhere several days. Well, I hit Blythe about 2:40. Wow! Early. And, I still had just under 1/4 tank of gas. Damn! What's up with that? Well, I might as well get nearer to LA for cheaper gas, as I'm sure it's expensive out here. I had planned to stop here for the night, but it was only 2:45 and I knew I was only about 4 hours away from my destination, so I decided to keep going.

20 miles further on, the first sock drops. Man, I mean, that gas gauge just dropped! I mean, I looked once and saw just under 1/4 tank, and about a minute later, that SOB was hugging the empty mark. Well, OK. There's another place up ahead 10 miles, so I'll stop there. Just an intersection on the map, but signs said there was gas there. So, pull off at the exit, there's the gas station, 3 freakin $ and 12 cents for a gallon of regular gas??? (memories of $2.46 in El Paso.) Oh, NO FUCKIN' WAY am I paying that. Let's see, Desert Center is another 30 miles, I can make that. Should have about 3 gals left. That's 100 miles.

Ah, there's the Desert Center exit. Pull off, there's the gas station. Kind of dusty and scruffy looking. In fact, I remembered stopping here on my motorcycle back in the '90s or so on the way to El Paso. A car and a Winnebago sitting there. So, I pull in. Man, sure looks dead. No one moving. Windows are all dusty and dirty. Wait. This ain't the Bates Motel, is it? (an old movie with Tony Perkins, Psycho.) Aw, MANNNNNN! This freakin' place ain't OPEN. In fact this place ain't been open in years, maybe since I was here in the 90s. Oh, SHIT, NOW what?? Damn! There's nothing here. Well, I see a couple buildings about 50 yards away. I almost expected some asshole with a chainsaw to jump out, til I remembered I wasn't in Texas anymore (Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Horrific movie. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Texas_ ... w_Massacre

Well, there was a restaurant, which I wasn't motivated to eat in, a couple other (old) buildings, and, wonder of wonders, a Post Office; And the sumbitch was open! What luck. So I go in and ask, "Where's the nearest gas?" After looking at me like "Now, what freakin' idiot is out in the middle of the desert with no GAS," she nicely replies, "About 20 miles west." "Whew! I can make that," while worrying by now that I didn't even have enough to make it the 200 yards back to the freeway.

Well, I got no other choice, so it's back on the freeway and down the road. Sure enough, 20 miles later, at Chiriaco Summit, there's the exit and there's the Chevron sign. Pull around and up to the pump (this place is busy. Must be the only gas for miles - say, since Blythe. ) Out of the car, check the pump. DAMN! Three dollars and Twelve cents a gallon? (Still.) That's $3.12 in English, for those dumb Texans who don't understand the economics of gas prices - the gas will ALWAYS be more expensive at the station you stop at than the station you just passed up for cheaper prices.

Haha, I got 'em. I'm only gonna get 4 gallons. That gives me over 120 miles, which will get me to cheaper prices in LA. HAHA. Cheaper prices in LA. That's a joke folks. Insert laugh here. I did later.

Well, back on the road, sure that I had it beat. I made it to San Berdardino and took I-15 north to Cajon. (Hey, Benny, I think I know what "Cajones" are, so what does "Cajon" mean? One of them? (Seems like I remember "cajones" meaning balls, and not the baseball kind.))

Anyway, I've been 130 miles and am near the Empty mark again, so I'll stop here to fill up. I get out of the car. The wind is blowing, and, as I get out,"Oh my freakin' BBBBBRRRRR-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R!!! I checked my thermometer and it showed 62 freakin' degrees. Damn, Benny. Thanks for telling me it was still freakin' winter out here.

Remember them cheaper prices in LA? $2.93 a gallon. A whole19 cents cheaper than the last place, but still 47 cents more than El Paso. Damn! It HAS to be cheaper somewhere (It wasn't. This is the going price in the LA area.) I did find one at $2.91 later, so that is where I filled up. Here, I took another 5 gallons.

Well, it was another 70 miles to my KOA site thru Palmdale, and the ride went smoothly. Out of the car at KOA. MAN! It's still COLD! I came from 95 degree El Paso to THIS??? I didn't even bring a sweater. Well, out of the car and open the trunk. Take out the big tent and AWWWWWWWW, Man, not again! I forgot my freakin' TENT poles. I can't freakin' believe this. I needed to buy new ones anyway, but just forgot to go get them. Sonofabitch! Does it ever END????

Well, hell, I have the small one. So, I'll put up that one tonite and go buy poles tomorrow. Get the tent put up, get out the coffee pot for morning coffee and my sleeping bag and air mattress. The small tent has collapsible poles that go into the bag, so the tent goes up no problem. Unpack the air mattress and, where's the air pump. Not here. Maybe over here. Nope. Over here? Hmmmm, not there either.

(All together now.) Aw,MANNNNNNNNNNNN. I forgot my freakin' AIR PUMP! SON-OF-A-BITCH!!! Aw, DAMN IT!!! CRAP!!! Does it never freakin' end???????

Son of a bitch. Well, no choice now, so, well, unroll it and just sleep on it. I'll tell you, tho. Sleeping on a deflated air mattress isn't quite the same as sleeping on one with AIR in it.

And, as the sun sinks slowly into the West, so ends day one. (This is only the first day??? Oh, this'll be fun!!!)

Enough for now. More later.

[h0rnytoad1]

when you mentioned the board on the back door,
i thought for sure you'd say, "And wouldn't ya know it, i go out through the FRONT door"

Air matresses and tents, gotta love em eh ?
that's twice you forgot your .

Why not get an electric pump and leave it in the car with the spare tire?
it might serve for the air matress but also in case of a deflated tire.

Did you know, speaking of gas prices, to inflate tires here in Qc it costs 2$ ?
freaking hell yes, for air.

oh and just to fill the tank, today at the pump it was 1.09$ for 1L,
i think you have 3.2L for 1gallon, 3.50$/g for gas.

its summer, they raise the prices.

Hometel (hotelathome), staycation and non-voyage, thanks OPEP for the new words!

hey you gotta laugh about these things eh ?

[st1fler]

just fill your damn car up with gas lol If i'm in the middle of a desert with no gas and I see a gas station even if its $5 bucks I'm still filling my car with gas. I hate it when my mom, brother, sister only put $20. I fill it to the top everytime

[h0rnytoad1]

it must be good to be rich eh ?

[WalterB]

Wait'll you're retired and counting your income in pennies, Stiffy (course, I'll be long gone and will miss that. )

[h0rnytoad1]

Pennie Marshall (eww) thats 1
Penny from Big Bang Theory. thats 2 (Kaley Cuoco. man, when are they gonna spoof that show?)
Pennie Flame (much cuter) thats 3

[st1fler]

speaking of traveling, I went and handed in my passport application today. It only took 20 freaking minutes, I know someone who waited 6 hours to do this lol. AND It's only supposed to take 2 weeks to get it. Vegas in September here I come!